I'm sorry you have to deal with this. On the upside, your self-awareness and honesty with your self is a huge plus as you work to understand what's going on.
It's pretty common for survivors to have a belief that they are anything from just unattractive to viscerally repulsive. It's also completely independent of how they are actually perceived by potential romantic and sexual partners. It can be hard to get your self-image better calibrated with reality. I had this problem myself. I thought of myself as small, quiet, and a host of other things that weren't true. I had to do some work understanding that I'm average height, average weight, and adjust my spirit to fit my body, not the body I imagined I had.
If "sex was sex" as you suggested, it wouldn't matter who we had sex with. The truth is it's not just sex. Sexual attraction and romantic desire come first and they are very complex with humanity only just scratching the surface in understanding them. Listen to the things that attract you to people that aren't directly about sex and you might find a clearer picture of where your romantic desire really lies. In my own life I found thinking back to the emotional (non-sexual) crushes I had before I was abused helpful in understanding who and what actually attracts me.
I think it's very significant how important the attractiveness of the women you date is to you. When we feel unattractive and judged by others, it's very human to try and influence other people's opinions of us by dating the "hot" girl. Getting the "hot" girl, and other people's reaction to that can also let us tell ourselves that maybe we're not as unattractive, unworthy, and unlovable as we thought. In my experience, the core of this is how we feel about ourselves. I don't know if you have a therapist you work with, but this feels like a great subject for you both to talk about and unpack.
I'm going to agree with my brothers above that it would probably be healthy for you to focus on doing things you like and meet people in the real world. There is nothing as attractive as someone who is doing things they love and showing who they really are. Again, in my own life I found that as soon as I let go of my anxiety about sex and dating and focused on being who I was and having fun, I had people suddenly attracted to me.
It sounds to me like you have a good head on your shoulders and you're very aware of what's going on inside you. Relax a little, take a few deep breaths, and don't put so much pressure on yourself.
Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work
- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips