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#4606 - 08/11/03 07:42 AM tired
RodM Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 04/22/02
Posts: 6
Loc: tacoma washington
Cant sleep again I just get scared all the time I live alone and sometimes that hardships of like take there toll on me. I end up at night alone in the dark with my thoughts that scare me with will I get hurt or used again or worse will it be that I have only seemed that I got the love I have so longed for but only seem that is last for a fleding moment in time only to find out that it was just abuse and not love at all. but then theres the big fear of abandament and I have recently incountered another person that I love being around but then I am also scard of her and what might happen next or is she going to find out something really wrong with me and leave me again like other have done that I have cared about. being single again after a four year marriage surly isnt very fun. I hate it. but then again my wife wasnt that much of a wife. it was only good tell she got tired of me and met someone else new. and then I feel that all this post is just bableing crap and I should suck it up and stop playing victim and just move on. but theres like all these fears and stuff that go on inside of me and all I can feel or relate it too is a kid. a lonely scared kid

#4607 - 08/11/03 08:15 AM Re: tired
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1986
Loc: Flint, Michigan
hello RodM

It definately is hard to sleep with the fears and pains running through your head. I have had many sleepless nights, some from the wonderings within my head, others from the shear fear of the dreams (nightmares) that may come. I don't think there is much I can say to ease your mind, because I too am sitting here not sleeping.

My wife has left me too, our divorce is not yet final, but is coming nonetheless. She has run off with one of her coworkers. She says this is because of my SA, for not letting her know about it earlier than I did. My reserved demore regarding sex left her with the feeling I didn't lover her, so she ran off looking for it somewhere else. Not much of a wife. But I am better off without one, than to have one like that. I deserve better.

Someday I hope to have another. One that is worthy of me. One that will accept me for me, with my quirks, and will be supportive in my healing. But, I am not rushing it. I am not willing to jump into another bad relationship to have somebody laying beside myself.

It's time for me to grab my stuffed animal and hold it tight and hope that the sleep comes and the nightmares and fears stay away.

Find solice where you can. Please don't dwell on the problems that are running through your mind. And please take care of yourself. You don't need anybody else to do that for you, you can do that by yourself.

Take care my brother,
and I hope sweet dreams come to you,


Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

#4608 - 08/11/03 12:09 PM Re: tired
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Rod & Bill. Those night terrors can wreck havoc with your sleep.

It is our minds working in overdrive. One thing that I have found that helps me is to do really strenuous exercise in the evening, dont watch TV, have a glass of Hot milk (something in it makes you sleepy thats why babies sleep) and leave a small light on.

As a tough hustler I had a big stuffed animal to keep away the demons.

Now my daughter (great daughter no problems with her like with us) needs noise to sleep. She bought herself a noise maker if you can believe it. Has all kinds of sounds; water falls and surf, crickets, the jungle. She puts the crickets on really loud. Could almost wake the dead but she sleeps like a baby.

Hope this helps!!



#4609 - 08/11/03 05:22 PM Re: tired
Ivanhoe Offline

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Rod, Bill,

My heart goes out to you guys. I don't know if I could have gotten this far without the gal I've had by my side all these years. She's my best friend.

For one thing, you do deserve better. Anyone who blames the other for the divorce is not fessing up to their own part in the marriage or divorce.

A good marriage divides the pain and doubles the joy.

What Mikey says is good advice. Working out before bedtime, and relaxing after with a good read that isn't upsetting, but maybe even inspirational, is a good thing.

Staying in touch with people is also good. Making sure that you're giving yourself opportunities to mix it up with folks that you like, and with activities that you enjoy, are positives for your your sense of well being.

Who knows, maybe the partner you're looking for, is also looking for you in the same crowd, within the same group, who is also enjoying the biking, hiking, swimming, bowling, bird watching, book reading, continue listing any and all activites that you could be interested in.

And, obviously, you can't expect the potential partner to enjoy everything that you do. My wife's an opera person while I prefer jazz and new age. Interesting, our older daughter is a musical comedy performer and our younger daughter sings on the opera stage. Maybe it's music that we have in common. And it's definitley she's says tomahhto, and I say tomato, when it comes to camping and fishing. We both enjoy regular 3 to 4 mile, 5 to 6 times weekly outdoor walks together, however.
So, allow for some differences, but the main ones like caring for one another and supporting each other, should top your list in desirable traits in a partner.

This is tough stuff we're doing--becoming strong male survivors--I know that there are gals out there who would enjoy your company on this ride called life. Good Luck to you.

Peace, strength and courage,


"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

#4610 - 08/14/03 10:33 PM Re: tired
RodM Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 04/22/02
Posts: 6
Loc: tacoma washington
Thanks guys Bill my wife told me I was too missed up that the SA was the reason she wanted a divorce. I think that both woman are very shallow for this additude my wife knew about it before we were married.



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