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#460465 - 02/11/14 03:02 AM Loving Self
FormerTexan Offline

Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 12073
Loc: Denver, CO
I was talking to the therapist at length tonight. We shared ideas on what one can do to mentally love the self. Part of this entails redirecting joy and happiness inward towards self. This struck me as an interesting idea considering I spent a good part of my near-50 years in this life redirecting anger, hurt, shame, etc inward towards self.

Healing has taught me over the years that these messages can indeed be replaced with healthy, positive messages. The "old tapes" can be rendered obsolete as the survivor reconnects with some lost positive feelings of the past. It takes time to learn once more what we used to know: it's ok to feel unashamed ,or it's ok to feel secure in the self, or it's ok to trust, or whatever that connection was which was lost in surviving from abuse.

We all can relate to nicely-wrapped presents. As I discovered the possibilities of reconnection, I told the therapist it's like having a bunch of unopened presents of varying sizes and colors, which have been waiting a long time to be opened. Amidst the anticipated pain and fright of recovery, we can have those good reconnections as well. Recovery, in this case, is recovering the connections to those lost emotions that were hidden away in order to ensure survival.

Time to open some presents? smile
Money talks, but all it tells me is goodbye.

If I could meet myself as a boy...

#460467 - 02/11/14 03:29 AM Re: Loving Self [Re: FormerTexan]

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3712
Former Texan

You have said it so well and I love you analogies. It is so true we can learn to love ourselves by replacing the messages we learned to live with from the abuse and life experiences.

My T and doctors told me this over and over, but it took me forever to realize how right they were--as your therapist told you. I have learned to replace the negative messages with positive messages, I have also learned to respect myself and not let others disrespect me (I have also learned they do not respect themselves and sadly, they do not know it). The message is wired in our brains and I have learned we can change the how we think, new neuron paths created and the old paths of negative thoughts closed. It is not easy but your are right, we can do it.

Like you I have unwrapped some nice gifts and have reconnected with myself and friends and met some wonderful people. Life is a gift, we should remember that and not let others take us to their level of destruction. If they do, we have the capacity to climb out of the whole and find the emotions we lost.

Thank you because it reinforces our need to love ourselves first, because only then can we love others.


#460480 - 02/11/14 03:12 PM Re: Loving Self [Re: FormerTexan]
On The Fringe Offline

Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
Great topic and message.

I could hear nothing positive until I finally realized after decades.... It was not my fault, I did not consent at 7 years old.

What a strange mental twist we were given along with the abuse. But there is hope and light at the end of that tunnel!
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.


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