I want to reassure you that your posts are not too long, in fact sometimes more is better. It allows me for one to better understand what you're experiencing.
The one theme if you will, that I sense, is your feeling of responsibility.
You express a level of responsibility for the crime committed against you, you express responsibility for not telling, worry about the effect you have had on your kids, all these responsibilities, or blame, as I referred to them in my own case.
Blame needs to be placed where it belongs, and the neighbors father is the one to blame, no one else.
You recite many instances of close calls or perceived bad behavior, try to look at them differently. Through all the muck of our histories, we are still here , we made it this far, and that is no small feat.
We tend to blame ourselves, and in reality it is just not true.
I am glad for you that you were given that moment that struck you to do something, in the observation of your child self's expression in a photo.
I was going to suggest Mike Lew's book, but it seems you are on top of that one already. I have read and listened to several books that have helped in different ways.
Non-Violent Communication, by Marshall Rosenberg
A New Earth - Eckhart Tolle, as well as The Power of Now.
Victims no Longer, Courage To Heal, Joining Forces - By Dr Fradkin of this very site.
Writing, my story, or stories here and on a personal blog, wrting poetry (not something I had ever done before, but a way to express as well).
I have recently taken up Meditation and finding it also quite helpful. I would offer NSR which is basically Transcendental Meditation without the $2000 price tag. It can be purchased and downloaded for $25 at http://www.natural-stress-relief.com.
I am feeling I am being a little verbose, so I leave you with that.