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#457727 - 01/01/14 03:54 AM Years of Silence and Sexual Idenity Confusion
brosie9 Offline

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 9
After years of abuse, I kept silent for more than 25 years and I am still dealing with a problem at age 55. The years of silence has taken its toll, but although I identify with being straight, I lack the confidence to ask a woman out for the reason there will come a day when she will start asking questions. Yet, I find it necessary to go for M4M massages just to have human touch and affection. Yes, the massage is great but I find it the only way to get a hug.

Yet there is that little boy that just wants what everyone has, with the wife, children, etc

I want to open this up to all. How have others gotten through this? For those of you who have made that step and have a wife or husband; how did you make the leap over the wall?

Thank you and happy new year!

#458354 - 01/09/14 09:13 PM Re: Years of Silence and Sexual Idenity Confusion [Re: brosie9]
Truth2013 Offline

Registered: 11/04/13
Posts: 8
Loc: Maryland
Hi Broise,
I must say that I totally understand what you are talking about. I am married, however I still sturggle with identity issues. Sometimes I think it would be fair to give up my family so my wife can have somebody who is not as messed up as myself. I choose to get married but I might have should have stayed single. I struggle and I want to reach out to guys every now and then but i don't. I struggle because I like the touch of a man as well. I hope I helped some.

#458560 - 01/14/14 03:10 AM Re: Years of Silence and Sexual Idenity Confusion [Re: brosie9]
focusedbody Offline

Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 542
Loc: NY
Hey, Brosie.

The fear of being asked questions I can really relate to.

What might be important at first is to look at how you may be generalizing about women. Often a generalized view of difficult emotional issues reduces all of the problems to easy answers and quick judgments.

There is always the chance that you might encounter someone who does not fit the general mold. In fact, chances are pretty good!

What can be challenging is finding ways to ease up on yourself, as well as sharing your fears with people that care.

Thanks for the question. Hope this helps and that you will find more possible leaps to contemplate taking.

Lose the drama; life is a poem.

#458892 - 01/18/14 07:39 PM Re: Years of Silence and Sexual Idenity Confusion [Re: Truth2013]
brosie9 Offline

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 9
Thank you and this is extremely helpful knowing I am not the only one. Enjoy!

#460326 - 02/08/14 05:38 PM Re: Years of Silence and Sexual Idenity Confusion [Re: brosie9]
bodyguard8367 Offline

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""

Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 10:23 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

#460334 - 02/08/14 08:23 PM Re: Years of Silence and Sexual Idenity Confusion [Re: brosie9]

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3853
Yes the silence of CSA takes a toll on our lives. It confuses us on so many fronts. But I believe as we heal, accept the abuse as real we learn who we truly our, and not confused by the damage that was done. Letting the abuser go, letting the sense of responsibility for the abuse go frees us from the emotions and words spoken by the abuser. We then can truly learn who we are--no longer mixing up the abuser's messages and our emotions during the abuse and believing on some level what the abuser said--this is special, this is love, this is our secret--confuses the hell out of our conscious and subconscious selves.

Once we tackle the past we can see who we truly are and what we want in life--I have learned a part of myself carried a belief love was abuse and the acts done to me. But as I healed and learned to accept me, I no longer have a part that believes the abuser or his acts represent any form of love. That was my long buried part--and there confusion within me on a subconscious level I did not understand. Today I am happy and along the way found a special person with no expectations and no judgments but to enjoy today and maybe tomorrow. I feel fulfilled and I know who I am and I am not shameful of the abuse. I can speak of it with people who let me feel safe. She is supportive and understanding of my past, more importantly she has taken time to learn about CSA and its effects--which makes me feel safe. My T said I am integrating and the internal conflicts left from the abuse is leaving--I had to learn to love the part of me that felt special to the abuser--and that was hard because I despised the thought of the abuse and abuser. But as I learned to love myself--all the parts of me, it brought clarity of self and who I truly am. I also learned not to be shameful of the abuse so I can share with people.

I know you will come to terms with who you are and find happiness. Confusion sadly is an outcome of the abuse. You have recognized this and are working on understanding the confusion. Whatever the answer is, you will be happy being who you are meant to be.

#461885 - 03/02/14 07:45 PM Re: Years of Silence and Sexual Idenity Confusion [Re: KMCINVA]
brosie9 Offline

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 9
Very powerful words and they mean a great deal! Thank you!

#462362 - 03/10/14 10:45 PM Re: Years of Silence and Sexual Idenity Confusion [Re: brosie9]
fff123 Offline

Registered: 03/05/14
Posts: 15
Loc: Karachi,Pakistan
Can forum make an question poll so we can get idea what we r really now after horrible things we faced?or better to post detail thread abt myself?


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