in my personal life, i have experienced and seen worse things happen than what was portrayed in this film.
i was uncomfortable with the fact that this was carefully created and constructed for entertainment purposes.
when i say entertainment, i mean manipulation of the mind.
you are guaranteed to react emotionally to the rent-boy sex scenes.
i wonder what the production team was thinking as they portrayed and played these.
we are talking about days of shooting.
now imagine having to be the pedophile character for weeks and months.
what would that do to an actor's mind?
would professional detachment be enough?
there are all sorts of considerations and motives behind producing a film.
artistic ambitions and logistic limitations and budget barriers all collide and coincide.
a lot of people had to agree, for a lot of different reasons, which scenes to shoot, and just how graphic the depictions would be.
every detail of every movie i have ever worked on is carefully planned, prepared, presented, practiced, paid, played, portrayed, performed, produced, promoted and projected.
all that effort, all those resources, just to burn those images into my brain. i feel branded.
my own memories have melted into my mind already.
at least those have become foggy with time.
now i have this professionally produced image projected on the screen in the theater of my soul.
i am sure it will degrade and fade with time,
but for now, it won't go away, and i can't unsee it.
i am triggered every time i see that actor's face, or hear his name. can't watch 3rd Rock... had a hard time sitting through Loopers... without flashing back to that one image frozen in my inner vision. i don't like froot loops anymore, and that used to be one of my fave junk foods.
not complaining so much as i am warning sensitive viewers just how intense this movie was.
i literally felt i was retraumatized.