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#458085 - 01/06/14 10:07 AM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1573
Loc: California
I'm surprised to see myself type the following:

If you are happy with who you are, it won't matter if you're "normal" or not. And incidentally, those who are unique and happy with themselves tend to be the most attractive people.

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#458094 - 01/06/14 12:26 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
Max10 Offline


Registered: 09/28/10
Posts: 69
Loc: Oregon
What is normal? This is all I know therefore it must be normal.
_________________________
Have a wonderful day.....no matter what!

~Max10~
~ I am not a victim...I am a survivor! ~

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#458095 - 01/06/14 12:29 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: Magellan]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3959
Loc: settling in the USA again
Originally Posted By: Magellan
If you are happy with who you are, it won't matter if you're "normal" or not. And incidentally, those who are unique and happy with themselves tend to be the most attractive people.


I'm surprised to read that from you, too, Magellan! And happy! i hope you are able to say that is a description of YOU!

"i am unique - just like everybody else." - i love the irony of this statement. we are all different - that is why it is so wonderful to find others who have points of similarity in thoughts, feelings and experiences.

i have always felt different. i used to feel bad about that. now i am beginning to accept and appreciate it.

LEE
_________________________
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

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#458169 - 01/07/14 02:00 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
CafeMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/18/13
Posts: 162
Loc: Chicago
This is a good topic. I always wanted to be "normal" after my abuse and have strived for it. For me, I consider normal to be highly functioning, stable and doing things in my life where I am not paralyzed by fear.

I never wanted a normal, mundane life. Even before my abuse, I wanted an exciting life. Some men really getting into the role of husband and dad. Going to parent teacher conferences, working on the yard on the weekends, etc. That was never me.

I always wanted to grow and challenge myself. I liked hanging out at my favorite restaurants in Laguna and La Jolla, shopping in Montreal, taking a long walk on the beach in Maui, etc. I enjoyed being totally free to do what I want.

Do I want to get married . . . one day. But I don't want to be stifled doing traditional life procedures. I enjoy the spontaneity of doing what I want. So, I feel normal in my head, but I don't like to do traditional activities of a suburban man. I'm having too much fun right now. And it will only get better and better.

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#458172 - 01/07/14 02:58 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 758
.


Edited by Castle (05/16/15 09:02 PM)
_________________________
.

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#458180 - 01/07/14 04:11 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
CafeMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/18/13
Posts: 162
Loc: Chicago
That's not the point to my post. There is nothing wrong with that role. That's just not me. I respect whatever role we have in our lives as long as we are happy and healing.

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#458183 - 01/07/14 04:33 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 758
.


Edited by Castle (05/16/15 09:03 PM)
_________________________
.

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#458193 - 01/07/14 05:27 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
CafeMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/18/13
Posts: 162
Loc: Chicago
Yes, and that last sentence in your last post is what matters. What's in our heads, not roles.

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#458209 - 01/07/14 07:48 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 638
Loc: where the shadows lie
well, sometimes I gotta say: screw "society." I don't really care if I'm a member of "society" or not. But the rest of what you two are saying sounds right.
_________________________
I will always be your champion
I will always tear the monsters from you

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#458219 - 01/08/14 01:49 AM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 1104
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
I find normal generally means conforming to some group identity and group values and that never works for me. I can overlap tons of groups, but my experience is that if I want to participate there generally are unspoken group by-laws that are difficult for me to navigate.

So, where I'm at now is that my challenge is to grow a stronger ME, one that doesn't have a problem remaining grounded in strong winds. This seems important for me because it seems I am attracted to situations where I need to be strong in order to participate happily. Not easy for the little abused kid in me. I try to remain open to possibilities and do my best to grow. I do grow, but patience is difficult. I get destination oriented instead of journey oriented.

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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