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#457394 - 12/25/13 10:55 PM staying siober while faceing the pain
richlocal592 Offline

Registered: 12/09/13
Posts: 5
my name is rich iam a 56 year old survivor of rape iwas raped at age 7 in the Bronx by the train tracks by the harlem river I remained silent and sick for over 40 years I am now sober over 12 years iam a loner I only had 4 girlfriends my whole life I had deep shame guilt I blamed myself for the rape I felt dirty inside I became a drunk at age 12 I hung out on 42street in the 1970s ui sold my body to gay men for drinking money ialso had sex with transsexuals iwas unsure of my sexual identity I was afraid I would become homosexual because of what that man did tome I felt and unwanted I took many years of violent from my father I forgave all my abusers around 12 years ago I go to a meetings for sex abuse survivors ialso did a emdr with a therapist on the rape I cried something I didn't do for over 40 years well I continue to grow the divine spirit of love is transforming me ialso forgave for all the poor fearful choices I madei do realize I have power to change spiritual power lives in me iam loved and I can love others in a healthy way I also told my story I was on fox 5 anyone can see that google Bronx street kid anyway I want to bless all my brothers and sisters on this site with peace love and harmony richlocal592

#457431 - 12/26/13 05:19 PM Re: staying siober while faceing the pain [Re: richlocal592]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 737
Loc: United States
Welcome Rich,

I'm sorry you need to be here, but glad that you are. You have brother here who have share some of your experiences and many of your feelings. I hope you'll find support and understanding you need here.


Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

#457566 - 12/29/13 06:07 AM Re: staying siober while faceing the pain [Re: richlocal592]
lapchinj Offline

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1489
Loc: New York
Hey Rich,

Sad story to say the least. I grew up in the village at age starting at age 12 in the early '60s. I'm not a religious person but live in a religious community. I tried it for 40 years trying to hide my childhood but it didn't work. The hiding part did but the religious part didn't for me. You remind me of a good friend I had who finally ran away from home when we were 15 the only problem was is that he committed suicide at age 20. It is not easy to go through what you did. I remember putting salve on his back, ass and legs from all the beatings he got from his dad. I know it was bad but I have no way of comparing. I know that it's different growing up in the bronx at anytime in history than being from Long Island from parents that were society people. not rich but my mother had to have her middle class environment along with a kid to show that she had "made it" in this world. The only thing is that the poodle was more important than the son. I was never a boozer until very recently but as a kid I was heavy into drugs, I guess that was the scene those days in the village. I don't think that I ever had a gay john even though I hung out and lived around the corner from the Stonewall Inn on Christopher street.

My story is not the same as yours and I wasn't a street kit in that I didn't work the streets I was peddled by someone I loved very much for 7 years starting at 12 on the upper east side and the surrounding. My father was just the opposite of yours, he was never around and when my mother was around it just wasn't nice.

I hope you find a place here at MS and can heal from what we offer. The friendship or brotherhood we have here and all the resources you'll find here. The best start is reading the introductions that guys write and see what they went through and how they handled their lives through those difficult times. I think that you will find some good info to help you along the way in your search for peace in your life. even if you don't post just reading will help tremendously especially with the CSA part of your life.

Glad to meet you but sorry you had to be here.

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
Stick around, It will get better....🌹🌹🌹


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