This is a hard time. Do you want to quiet the voice? I am not sure that is a good goal - your voice is your intuition and it needs to be listened too, if not acted upon.
I say this because I think we need to process things - listen to the voice, and see it for what it is. Often, it is your protector coming out - saying LOOK OUT. And sometimes it is not based in the facts of what your husband is or is not doing - but rather in your own fears and traumatic experiences.
I remember resenting all of the time and energy I spent on my husband. I think it is an absolutely normal part of the process. Sounds like you are doing all of the right things for you. It is true that policing does nothing. They either get healthy and become trustworthy - or they don't. You turning yourself into someone you don't like won't impact that in the least - and you seem to know that already.