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#457225 - 12/22/13 09:27 AM A Day With My Family *Triggers*
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 766
.


Edited by concerned_husky (08/30/15 06:40 AM)
Edit Reason: Reducing ties with MS.
_________________________
Husky

"Only the solitary seek the truth, and they break with all those who don't love it sufficiently." - Pasternak

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#457227 - 12/22/13 10:34 AM Re: A Day With My Family *Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
bey Offline


Registered: 01/28/10
Posts: 442
Loc: canada
((Husky))
_________________________
Benji

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#457232 - 12/22/13 11:28 AM Re: A Day With My Family *Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
peroperic2009 Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3801
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey husky,
this was more than intense to read. Somehow I've found good and positive that you recalled how you left bloody sing in your journal.

With people in denial there is no other way but to isolate self into realm out of their reach, they'll never see us nor get our message no matter how hardly we would try so why bothering.
It is so painful to be around people who should be close to us and who are completely ignoring us at same time.
I've been locked into similar relationship and even if I would fight heavily back it didn't bring me anything, I was just playing the game that was expected from me. Well not any more, from this year on I deiced to bury myself in complete silence whenever they will try to talk about "plans" and "future". Let's move curtains and show the ugly picture in full where no one cares expect for own importance and selfish needs, in such place my isolation would be just mirror of their ignorance. Maybe some of them would raise some question, that would be huge step for people that are sleeping trough their lives but anyway I don't care (my mirror is working perfectly)...

I hope you'll have better Christmas this time. You achieved so much lately and I'm sure you'll show your strength and wisdom. So high above them...

(((Husky)))
_________________________
My story

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#457234 - 12/22/13 01:14 PM Re: A Day With My Family *Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
SayItRight Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/06/13
Posts: 107
Husky:
What a maelstrom of painful and sharply conflicting messages, explicit and implied, you constantly received. It seems it was all designed solely to provoke you - and then your every response, including enduring it - is subject to further withering, direct, and personal criticism and further provocation.

Who you are and continue to be in spite of all that is a huge testimony to you, and it is clear you did not derive who you are from that environment. You have and demonstrate so much character, and an genuine goodness and strength, all of which you created, fought for, and developed on your own.

It tears my heart out to read this, honestly, nevermind to know that this is only one day out of so, so many. I hope at some point I can attempt a proper response.

In the meantime, I wanted to let you know that I appreciate your posting this, for many reasons, not the least of which is your struggling through posting it, so as to give me and others the privilege of knowing you even better.


Edited by SayItRight (12/22/13 01:27 PM)
Edit Reason: typos
_________________________
I always tried one thing:
To make what happened to me not matter at all.
Turns out, it was supposed to matter.
Who knew?

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#457236 - 12/22/13 02:44 PM Re: A Day With My Family *Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3968
Loc: settling in the USA again
sorry, Husky.

that was difficult to read - but allows us to understand you better. it shows strength on your part to be able to share it. please take care on your family visit and guard yourself from the kind of manipulation you know will take place. this might be a good time to dissociate! remember that people who really care about you will be here whenever you need to come here.

LEE
_________________________
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

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#457245 - 12/22/13 08:03 PM Re: A Day With My Family *Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
Shyshark Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 760
Loc: Canada
((( concerned_husky )))

I don't know what to say.

I have just erased a long version of what a different life we had.
It was inappropriate because I couldn't find a way to explain without injecting humour in it in order
to set the scene to illustrate the point I want to make.

This is no laughing matter.

Humour saved me ... allowed me to survive until I was able to escape and begin my own life.
It has remained a steadfast, soothing and most beloved companion to this day.
It's the only thing my Father gave me ... and as much as I have major issues with him ... I am eternally grateful for his gift.

... and once again I have failed and erased another long passage.

I can't describe my childhood without making people laugh ......
so ...

You got too much attention ... of all the wrong kind.
I was invisible ... seen only in my role as 'L'enfant terrible" ... otherwise I wasn't present for them.

Each damages in their own way ... but the results are the same.
What we had/have to say was/is of no importance.
They only ever hear themselves ...
They don't want you to speak because they are terrified of what you have to say ... and you're terrified to say it.
What's the point of listening to what I have to say ... I didn't exist.

We weren't/aren't heard.
_________________________
Experience is a brutal teacher.

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#457246 - 12/22/13 08:07 PM Re: A Day With My Family *Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
Shyshark Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 760
Loc: Canada
I hear you.
_________________________
Experience is a brutal teacher.

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#457257 - 12/23/13 01:28 AM Re: A Day With My Family *Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
Cthulhu Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/13/13
Posts: 159
Husky...

Like others have said this was hard to read. I feel lightheaded and dizzy. Your pain and experience, like shyshark has said is heard. it is felt too, by us. I'm just so sorry man, really. I'll probably reply in greater depth later. This is a very honest and hard hitting thing you posted. I am not surprised you deleted it twice.

I'd also like to reinforce and restate what SIR said:
Quote:
Who you are and continue to be in spite of all that is a huge testimony to you


You are not the sum of these experiences or of your family's treatment of you. The fact you are so wise and compassionate now is something you deserve to be proud of. You have and are overcoming so much.

It is now the morning of the 23rd in Vienna, I see. I wish I could have added my voice to those supporting you earlier. You deserve support and please continue to reach out to us. I am sure I can speak for many other here when I say WE feel honoured to be able to help you in whatever way we can.

With hope,


Cthulhu


Edited by Cthulhu (12/23/13 01:30 AM)
_________________________
“what matters most is how well you walk through the fire”
-Charles Bukowski

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#457261 - 12/23/13 06:20 AM Re: A Day With My Family *Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 766
.


Edited by concerned_husky (08/30/15 06:42 AM)
Edit Reason: Reducing ties with MS.
_________________________
Husky

"Only the solitary seek the truth, and they break with all those who don't love it sufficiently." - Pasternak

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#457269 - 12/23/13 11:05 AM Re: A Day With My Family *Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
KMCINVA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3219
Husky

Thank you for sharing. It is best you separate yourself from them--you do not need to be triggered. You have endured much and are trying to move forward in life. People do not realize how their actions can trigger past events--from words to actions to taunting to ignoring. But until they realize how destructive their actions are, they should be avoided. Some people cannot look beyond their small myopic minds.

Take care of yourself and you should be proud you have recognized and accepted what triggers you. I have learned in therapy and support how important it is to identify triggers and how to avoid or manage the triggers.

Good luck and keep moving forward.

Kevin

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