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#456817 - 12/14/13 06:34 PM I shared my Rape today.
ThisMan Offline

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 778
Loc: upper south
I had an expose' sort of conversation with a friend today. I told of the oral assault 5 years ago. I heard all the questions I thought I would hear and they didn't upset, they didn't set me back, and I didn't become offended or angered. Questions and comments such as you are a big guy, how could that have happened? Why did you stay? Didn't you know he was like this? Was that really rape? Did you challenge him? ..each of my responses was followed by another comment or question.

My final answer was actually the final truth. The truth as I understand it, as it seems, any of the experts I have read understand. I looked at the friend (male) and said, "It doesn't matter how many questions you ask, how many responses I give, it will never make sense. Rape will never be logical. You (or me) will never understand. This (me) is what rape leaves behind. It has given certain odd behaviors that I can't explain, don't want, but are a part of me. Rape has given me a new me. I am in the process of modifying, but this is now me."

I make no apologies for recognizing the new me. No apologies for withdrawing from a friendly pat. No apologies for watching my surroundings, and on and on. Today was a good day and permitted me to verbalize some of my thoughts regarding the effects of rape. Not in the context of victimization, but in the real world, long term effect. The survival experience, if you will. And I suppose that leaves me as a survivor. A survivor of rape. God, that last statement still breaks my heart. Okay, men. Onward, upward, and hugs to all.

Edited by ThisMan (12/14/13 06:35 PM)
Edit Reason: finished the title
For now we see through a glass, darkly.

#456823 - 12/14/13 09:32 PM Re: I shared my Rape today. [Re: ThisMan]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#456838 - 12/15/13 03:14 AM Re: I shared my Rape today. [Re: ThisMan]
victor-victim Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6370
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
it is great that you stood your ground.
I'm glad you found comfort within your own skin.
situational awareness is a good thing.


#456929 - 12/17/13 01:41 AM Re: I shared my Rape today. [Re: ThisMan]
WriterKeith Offline

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 980
Loc: California
Gentlemen, I think we have a new role model onboard. :-)

Here's to you, ThisMan.
I have taken to the stand-up comedy stage to educate other male survivors and those who try to love them. I blog about my isolated religious upbringing where physical and sexual abuse were commonplace and I serve as a facilitator of a weekly support group for men who have suffered sexual assault.

#456954 - 12/17/13 12:05 PM Re: I shared my Rape today. [Re: ThisMan]
honorableman Offline

Registered: 11/19/09
Posts: 52
Loc: United States
Excellent post, 'bro. Helps me better understand the illogical nature of my rape (yes, your post helped me to define it as rape) and it makes me understand that I was in fact raped and did the best I could under illogical pressure and lies.

Thank you for your honesty and insight!! Keep your head held high!


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