Very true Husky.
Power and control, perception and attitude ...
these are key to dealing with the blows that invariably come our way.
but more than those is reaction.
I was all too eager to revel in the wins, and I had more than my fair share of those in adulthood,
although most of them came with very little effort on my part.
The truly important ones were gifts ...
good luck ...
and to my great shame and utter over confident stupidity I came to believe they were my due because of all the patient, silent suffering endured in childhood.
I firmly believe that the bad luck was a direct result of my csa ... it set me apart and unable to fit in.
I barely made it playing the hand I was dealt, music was a double sided coin ... joy and despair,
all I wanted to see was the exit sign and I was tap dancing just as fast as I could.
I got through my youth with little else than shear pigheaded determination that I would
under the load of crap life buried me in.
When I escaped my hell at 18 my dreams came true ... I was rewarded ... I was winning in spades.
At 36 my house of cards crumbled ... the music stopped playing ... and my feet turned to lead.
I subsequently learned to play different games, listened to the cadence of life with what I foolishly thought were sharper ears ... and thought I could see more clearly ...
and I thought I could dance.
Then I got caught with a loosing hand ... the music stopped ... I went blind ...
and my feet were nailed to the dance floor.
Five years ago I changed the game to Solitaire, closed my ears to the cadence of life and stopped listening,
put on dark sunglasses ...
and don't ask me ... I wouldn't dance.
Not long ago I let Life slink back in
and once again ...
it hasn't equaled Luck.
Ultimately all you can do is pull yourself up, dust yourself off,
bitch to anyone who'll listen ...
and move on.
How I am able to react remains to be seen.
Experience is a brutal teacher.