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#455605 - 11/30/13 07:12 PM So the secret is out...
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 485
.


Edited by Sven (04/08/16 04:39 PM)
Edit Reason: management
_________________________
The first step to living the life you want, is to leave behind what you don't want.

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#455608 - 11/30/13 08:03 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 1104
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
I am sending you so much love, Sven. I hope you have lots of support available where you are. You have been traumatized and will need time to recover and regain some center of balance. I can't know what you need right now, but I'm sending you the energy that I have to send you from my heart. Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#455623 - 11/30/13 09:14 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 766
(((Sven)))

Hang in there. I can't imagine how overwhelming this is for you - this is a huge, scary change. Hold on tight.
_________________________
Husky

"Only the solitary seek the truth, and they break with all those who don't love it sufficiently." - Pasternak

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#455625 - 11/30/13 09:26 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 778
Loc: upper south
Ah, Sven. ((hugs, man)). I only know to say I care and I support you.
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#455631 - 11/30/13 09:48 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6299
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
did all this just recently occur,
or are you starting to recall events?

is there more to this story in another post?
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#455638 - 11/30/13 10:12 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
peroperic2009 Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3786
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Sven,
stick with us and keep us updated what is going on.
I hope your memory will come back soon on recent events just to feel more in control of situation. Could you call and contact someone - from police and ask?
Or in hospital?

There is nothing wrong in wanting to find what is happening...
Take care for yourself and please stay away from B and your uncles as well, all abusive persons around you.

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#455641 - 11/30/13 10:15 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3959
Loc: settling in the USA again
Sven - i hope you'll be able to participate fully in your own defense and protection. please cooperate and let the authorities put these perpetrators out of action. prayers and best wishes for your physical recovery as well as the emotional and psychological trauma.
lee
_________________________
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

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#455651 - 11/30/13 10:46 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 928
Sven,

I am so incredibly proud of you - I have been hoping and praying for months that somehow either someone would intervene or you would have the opportunity and the courage to save yourself. Seems to have been the latter. You most likely are terrified now and the future is impossible to predict - except for the fact that it will HAVE to get better.


Matt
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#455693 - 12/01/13 09:15 AM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
KMCINVA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3099
Sven

Letting the secret out is healing but also can be frightening. The reactions of others can either be supportive or non-supportive.

Whatever happened to make you dissociate had to be traumatic--a trigger or emotion from the past. I know people will say dissociation is not real but sadly for many of us it is real. As least the police were perceptive and have taken action. It is a step that frees you from the abuse.

The future can be challenging as you have to face your father and the courts, seeing he has been arrested. Hopefully one day B will get what he deserves. You need to take time and make sure you have supportive people around you and stay away from those that torment you--you have much to deal with.

Keep us up to date and please share as you feel comfortable and safe. We are here for you.

Kevin

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#455717 - 12/01/13 04:02 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: victor-victim]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 485
.
_________________________
The first step to living the life you want, is to leave behind what you don't want.

Top
#455746 - 12/01/13 09:10 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
KMCINVA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3099
Sven

Take care of yourself. You need to make sure you have support. Families can be trying--trying to hide from the reality of the abuse, their complicity or their actions that pushed you into states that were not you. Whatever, do not let them control you by their actions which can be ostracizing you from the family, verbal or physical attacks--you deserve to heal and face your accuser without fear of familial reprisal. It is time these family members spend some time with a therapist and begin to learn they have significant issues to deal with if they must attack a survivor of CSA.

Take care and please seek us out for support. We are here.

Kevin

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#455747 - 12/01/13 09:19 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 485
.
_________________________
The first step to living the life you want, is to leave behind what you don't want.

Top
#455749 - 12/01/13 09:45 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
freeze-on Offline


Registered: 08/08/09
Posts: 79
Loc: southeast
Thinking of you bro. And Peace when I do.

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#455755 - 12/01/13 11:03 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6299
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
dear sven,
i can't begin to tell you how worried i am,
i realize i don't know you,
and i don't know any details, but it sounds like momentous stuff is happening in your life, right now as we speak.
this is opportunity within crisis, as the saying goes.

i can safely say this from the luxury of my objective position.

but you are the one who will live through this.

since you have decided to stick up for your self,
then stand strong and tall, brother.
do what's right and fight the good fight.
it sounds like you have people in your corner.
hopefully this community can provide you with some emotional support.

your recovery is your first priority.
everything else is distraction.
maintain your focus on your future.

please keep us posted if that helps you any.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#455772 - 12/02/13 07:28 AM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 485
.
_________________________
The first step to living the life you want, is to leave behind what you don't want.

Top
#455774 - 12/02/13 07:41 AM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
peroperic2009 Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3786
Loc: South-East Europe
I wonder is any type of help or support offered to you?
Counseling or talk with expert for abuse?

There is nothing wrong with police and people from hospital, they are there for help but you might be needed other type of support that they can't offer.

Big changes in our lives are very stressful and I can imagine how you are feeling at the moment.
Maybe you could talk with someone, call the phone for abuse (it can be antonymous) and try to talk with someone who is experienced in dealing with similar situations? Just to get some direction, guidance and support. We all need it sometimes...

Pero


Edited by peroperic2009 (12/02/13 07:42 AM)
_________________________
My story

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#455775 - 12/02/13 07:53 AM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 485
.
_________________________
The first step to living the life you want, is to leave behind what you don't want.

Top
#455781 - 12/02/13 08:13 AM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
peroperic2009 Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3786
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Sven,
I know that you didn't want to talk about some intimate and hurtful moments like in therapy. Maybe some people could give you answers that could make you more secure under given circumstances.

Like: how to protect self now when all came out and you could be under reach of abusive people. What are your options in legal terms if your father would be charged, where could you ask for legal advices and what to do in your best interest. Where could you ask if and when you'll be in mood to find more?
What to do if some of abusive persons would come too close?
Is there place (and where) like safe house offering shelter for victims of sexual abuse?

There are zillion similar questions that I would like to know if I'd be in similar situation.

I didn't mean that you would need to talk with some stranger about some hurtful moments and memories but rather to start from somewhere to get support. It is time consuming and better to start as earlier as possible, you'll be need it anyway.

I'm talking from personal experience that I went trough with one buddy, because of different reasons he didn't took those steps when it was needed and that later brought more problems. I wish I have had knowledge that I have now and to force him to go out and seek advices. He tried but he wasn't persistent enough and also people needed to give him support weren't of much help. Now when look back he needed to go further and ask for more help and in other places too till he wouldn't get it.

There is always solution for different problems and there are institutions/organizations to deal with it when problems are much greater than we can comprehend.
And fortunately you are living in environment that can offer you needed help, it is needed only to be persistent and to ask for.
Please look for yourself.


Pero


Edited by peroperic2009 (12/02/13 08:23 AM)
_________________________
My story

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#455782 - 12/02/13 08:28 AM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6299
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
take some time to get your head straight, for sure, sven.
but please do not disregard what peroperic is saying.
it is in your best interest to heed his advice.

please read it carefully again.
it is detailed directions you can follow.

no pressure, but you must act as soon as possible to protect yourself.
you can expect most people will act in their own interest,
so you must act in your own interest.

the more plan you have, with options and backups,
the more prepared you will be for the obstacles ahead.
the less reacting and innovating you have to do.

remember, you need to survive, in order to recover.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#455826 - 12/03/13 09:58 AM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1627
Loc: Minnesota
Take it easy.


Be gentle with yourself.


Rest.
_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#456138 - 12/05/13 06:13 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 485
.
_________________________
The first step to living the life you want, is to leave behind what you don't want.

Top
#456139 - 12/05/13 06:14 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 485
.
_________________________
The first step to living the life you want, is to leave behind what you don't want.

Top
#456153 - 12/05/13 11:14 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
Hey Sven,

Many of us are much older than you and we can recall ourselves at about your age saying "I'm fine....don't want/need to talk about it....wish it would all go away.....no problem"

For most of us, that didn't work. It didn't just go away, we never were fine. And the resulting problems piled up over many years. So you'll have to forgive us for wanting something better for you. Apparently many people are offering you help, the police, a lawyer, a psychologist. Many of us never had these resources available to them. Again, you have to understand why we may be pushing you to make a move to get help. We want something better for you.

For better or worse, you can't go back to the old status quo of being a victim. You have the opportunity to write a new chapter in your life, if you can summon the courage to honestly look at the damage thats been done to you, and make some moves to get help in healing. You future is in your hands.

Jude
_________________________
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

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#456618 - 12/11/13 06:44 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 485
.



Edited by Sven (04/08/16 04:41 PM)
Edit Reason: management
_________________________
The first step to living the life you want, is to leave behind what you don't want.

Top
#456635 - 12/11/13 10:11 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 1104
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Sven,

I don't know what to tell you, and I don't know what you need. But, I do care what happens to you and I send all the warmth and support I have over the air waves.

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

Top
#456639 - 12/11/13 10:18 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
gettingstronger Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 308
Loc: Virginia
Hey Sven,

I'm proud of you for hanging in there. As fearless as I like to think I am, I can't imagine going through what you're doing right now. You have my undying respect, man. Sending every good thought I have, and every ounce of support, your way.

Keep us posted. Take care.

Bob

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#456657 - 12/12/13 03:11 AM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
peroperic2009 Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3786
Loc: South-East Europe
Hi Sven, I'm sorry that you are facing so many challenges, you are not alone!
Please try to avoid any further contact with B.
Abusive person would do anything to keep such relationship and it is difficult to break it once if we are overpowered. Isolation from such people is only solution to get opportunity for fresh start, to rebuild lost confidence and learn to rely on own instincts.
Even if you would talk with him keep him in dark. He shouldn't know about latest news from your home, he could use it for own good and against you. Once lost trust with such person never can be rebuilt no matter for his manipulations and tries, true picture set behind is always very painful.
So please take care for yourself.
You can do it!!!!

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#456855 - 12/15/13 02:00 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 485
.


Edited by Sven (04/08/16 04:42 PM)
Edit Reason: management
_________________________
The first step to living the life you want, is to leave behind what you don't want.

Top
#456958 - 12/17/13 06:29 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 485
.
_________________________
The first step to living the life you want, is to leave behind what you don't want.

Top
#456961 - 12/17/13 07:20 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
peroperic2009 Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3786
Loc: South-East Europe
There is always reason why is happening, we have to be very careful with triggers.
Basically if we hear or sense something that reminds us on some our traumatic experience it can suddenly bring all those emotions that we have had back than to the surface. Basically something can transport our mind in such from present to traumatic feelings that we have had.
Here is more about it:
http://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-a-trigger/0001414

It is important to learn what are our triggers, to try to avoid them, and to be prepared when happen.
Grounding is something that can help us when felt triggered (try to search in google for: grounding techniques).
Saying aloud the own name and surname, current date, the own birthday date and similar can sometimes bring our minds back to present.
Please look for help, it is obvious that you need it.
Talks with an abusive person like B is won't help you in anyway, I hope you know that...
What is your plan, do you have any idea where you are and what would you do? Could you spend a couple minutes on a daily basis to address such issues and see if you could come with something constructive and self protecting?


Edited by peroperic2009 (12/17/13 07:21 PM)
_________________________
My story

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#456963 - 12/17/13 07:43 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 485
.
_________________________
The first step to living the life you want, is to leave behind what you don't want.

Top
#456964 - 12/17/13 07:44 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 485
double post
_________________________
The first step to living the life you want, is to leave behind what you don't want.

Top
#456967 - 12/17/13 09:43 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
peroperic2009 Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3786
Loc: South-East Europe
Originally Posted By: Sven
I e-mailed with a dutch helpline about chat counseling but it's hard to find a time that works. Might consider e-mail counseling instead. Who knows. It;s a start, i guess. I can't talk about this shit or even have to be in the same room as them so idk, this is the only option for now.

This is great news Sven. Please do is as soon as possible (you need any help available no matter is it trough mails, chat, phone or directly). And yes it is an important start and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you to get involved and share all what you have and get support. It doesn't have to be one on one and in personal. You can and should ask them too for disocciation triggers, grounding and similar...
Keep us updated and please send that mail ;-)

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#457006 - 12/18/13 11:51 AM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 485
.


Edited by Sven (04/08/16 04:43 PM)
Edit Reason: management
_________________________
The first step to living the life you want, is to leave behind what you don't want.

Top
#457083 - 12/19/13 05:32 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 485
.
_________________________
The first step to living the life you want, is to leave behind what you don't want.

Top
#457085 - 12/19/13 05:35 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
peroperic2009 Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3786
Loc: South-East Europe
Tell us if you'd feel better. You can always send me PM Maybe it is easier to find some solution when beeing in company of surviovrs...
_________________________
My story

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#457088 - 12/19/13 06:16 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 485
.
_________________________
The first step to living the life you want, is to leave behind what you don't want.

Top
#457171 - 12/21/13 05:46 AM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6299
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
no doubt you are experiencing a whirlwind of powerful emotions that are threatening to overwhelm you one after the other.

just try to let them flow through you.
don't let them collect and cluster.
let the crows fly over your head.
don't let them nest in your hair.

i am sending you my best wishes.
glad you are taking positive steps.
keep the communication lines open.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#457499 - 12/27/13 06:52 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 485
.


Edited by Sven (04/08/16 04:44 PM)
Edit Reason: management
_________________________
The first step to living the life you want, is to leave behind what you don't want.

Top
#457512 - 12/27/13 10:54 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
Dear Sven,

No matter what you do about reporting B, please, please, please, make it very clear to him that you want nothing more to do with him. And then stick to it.

This broken wrist should make it very clear that B wants nothing good for you. Next time it could be worse. Get him out of your life before its too late.
_________________________
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

Top
#457514 - 12/27/13 11:06 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
DavoSwim Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 385
Loc: Midwest
Sven,
Please take care of yourself. You are in a precarious position. Right now you're still in a place where you can get out, but that could change at any moment. Again, look out for you. You have so much value and you deserve better. Help is out there, take advantage of it.

Dave

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#457516 - 12/27/13 11:16 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 485
.
_________________________
The first step to living the life you want, is to leave behind what you don't want.

Top
#457522 - 12/28/13 02:29 AM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
AndyS87 Offline


Registered: 12/12/08
Posts: 304
Loc: sorry, but I don't say on the ...
Definitely would suggest trying to write if you can't get it out otherwise. Whether you write or type, there's something about putting words on paper that seems to let your mind be more automatic.

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#457524 - 12/28/13 04:53 AM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
peroperic2009 Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3786
Loc: South-East Europe
Please Sven talk with someone about all this. You need to find support and someone who would stand beside you and giving you feelings of protection and safety, someone who went trough similar situation and who knows how to handle it and give you advice.
Every survivor of abuse could be filled with negative feelings, insecurities and vulnerabilities and that is the reason why we were caught with abusive persons in first place and why we can't exit such relationship easily. We could need additional confidence to be able to make step forward.

You mentioned mails/chat with some professional institution that offers help to survivors of abuse?
Please ask there for help. Did you talk with them more?

There is so much to be done and I'm sure you could get the best advice only from experts dealing with abuse.
Also please keep all records from hospital about your injuries, that is evidence and could be important if you'll go to police/court.

In the cases when dealing with very abusive persons as your father and B are, the only solution is complete removal from their presence and stopping any communication with them.

You need support and a lot of knowledge and experience for such task, and you need it this moment.

I wish if I was closer I would go with you wherever is needed (police, or somewhere else) and be there for you.
It is much easier if you are not alone.

Please in first place look where to find such support and than you can think what are your options and how to get courage to do something.

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#457684 - 12/31/13 11:33 AM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 485
.
_________________________
The first step to living the life you want, is to leave behind what you don't want.

Top
#457686 - 12/31/13 11:40 AM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 485
.


Edited by Sven (04/08/16 04:44 PM)
Edit Reason: management
_________________________
The first step to living the life you want, is to leave behind what you don't want.

Top
#457689 - 12/31/13 01:03 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3959
Loc: settling in the USA again
Sven - i am hoping for a place of safety and protection for you. i can only imagine that happening if your attackers are taken out of your life. whatever happens, please hold on to hope and try to find a way of helping yourself to heal. i sincerely hope that the legal process turns out to be a help and advocate for you.
LEE
_________________________
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

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#457692 - 12/31/13 01:43 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1573
Loc: California
Sven I am praying for you (and I'm not religious).

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#457697 - 12/31/13 04:16 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 485
.
_________________________
The first step to living the life you want, is to leave behind what you don't want.

Top
#457780 - 01/02/14 01:18 AM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: Sven
I don't understand why i feel so conflicted about this.

Maybe your ambivelence comes from not being sure that you deserve to be safe. Maybe inside you feel like you are only good for being used as somebody's sex toy.

There are 12,000 guys on this web site who will agree that you DO deserve to be safe, and you were NEVER meant to be a sex toy for anybody. Trust us Sven, we've all been there.

Jude
_________________________
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

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#457790 - 01/02/14 02:41 AM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 485
.
_________________________
The first step to living the life you want, is to leave behind what you don't want.

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#457793 - 01/02/14 02:59 AM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 485
.

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#457810 - 01/02/14 12:14 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3959
Loc: settling in the USA again
are you OK, Sven?
you don't have to explain everything.
but i am concerned that you are safe.
Lee
_________________________
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

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#457811 - 01/02/14 12:22 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 485
.
_________________________
The first step to living the life you want, is to leave behind what you don't want.

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#457813 - 01/02/14 12:30 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3959
Loc: settling in the USA again
thanks for replying. i didn't mean to pressure you - but i have lost a couple of friends and i don't take silence lightly.

i can't tell you what you should do - but from a previous post of yours - i want to say that you do not need to feel responsible for the comfort or protection of the abusers. you owe them nothing. they used you and abused you and got what they wanted. your best choice is to do what is best for you. i hope you can find a way to find safety and protection - healing is impossible until you find that security.

take care of yourself!
Lee
_________________________
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

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#458396 - 01/10/14 06:11 AM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 485
.


Edited by Sven (04/08/16 04:46 PM)
Edit Reason: management
_________________________
The first step to living the life you want, is to leave behind what you don't want.

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#458415 - 01/10/14 12:54 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3959
Loc: settling in the USA again
(((Sven))) -

Yeh, it is maddening to have lies told about you - especially when he makes himself look like the victim and you the abuser. I believe that time will reveal the truth.

Two good things - 1. Now he is on the "radar " of the police - they will be aware of him and his future actions will be subject to scrutiny.
2. Since he has been told not to contact you, if he does, you can report him and hopefully get enforcement. It will be important for you to follow up on this. Especially if he hurts you again or threatens to.

Remember - there are more of us on MS who believe you than whoever took his report and minght have doubts.


Edited by traveler (01/10/14 12:55 PM)
_________________________
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

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#458471 - 01/11/14 04:19 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6299
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
Originally Posted By: Sven
But who will the police believe? Or more inportantly, what can be proved?


while this is relevant from a legal viewpoint (and it is good that you recognize and understand this) what it most important right now is your safety and health.
please protect your self physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually.
that would be my number one priority.
it is true that we all need to rely on ourselves, but it is also true that it is much more difficult to do it alone...

so please don't stop reaching out until you find the support you need.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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