he told me i just needed to quit thinking about things so much..
Plenty of people told me "JUST LEAVE IT GO"
I think it's just about impossible for non survivors to appreciate the power, and the constant intrusion of the memories we have, it's not ignorance or not wanting to understand, I think it's because we don't have an adequate way to express to others the total domination of our concious thoughts that these memories and negative thoughts can have.
Only tonight I have talked to the father of a friend who's had ten years intensive therapy, and he said he couldn't begin to comprehend what his son had going through his mind. This was a very supportive and well informed parent, and he was lost for words to describe his sons trauma.
He also said to me that I was probably the only person who did understand other than our mutual therapist, and I think he's right. We understand because we know how overwhelming our thoughts can be.
What can we do to overcome them ?
Well Scotty has so many good points, we have to work bloody hard at turning them around, inch by inch.
I had to force myself to change the "what if's" to the future tense, instead of asking myself "what if I'd have told someone else" I'd force myself to think "what if I tell someone else ?"
And then I'd imagine the conversation in my head as I told a friend, I'd make up a story with a happy ending of my friend supporting me as I explained in detail what I felt.
It's dissosociation I know, but I'm good at that. I did it for years. I'd make up stories in my head about great sexual exploits - the fantasies that led to me to acting out.
I turned that 'talent' on it's head and created new fantasies about me discussing my problems with all kinds of people, sometimes even with negative people who'd try to put me down, but I was too good for them and talk them under the table - in my mind
We can control what we think, but it's hard. What we can't do is stop the initial unwanted thought springing into our heads. But I've found that as I've debated the problems, and won the debate every time, they seem to stay away more. They begin to know when they're beat.