this is one of the hardest decisions i had to make a year ago. at that point i was not sure about what mine did to me, i just started recalling the other abuse and the lies and emotional incest that i easily recognized. i decided that a) i could not be around her because i was just then recalling things, b) i would not be able to play as though nothing was going on in my heart, c) as sure as bears wipe in the woods she would start her games and i would have to call her on it because that is who i am. i had to stay away because i knew she would try to play me and i would not have accepted it then there would have been a major blowout that i would not have been able to handle. i have stayed away ever since. it is so hard, even after the recall of what she did to me directly (not being cryptic, just can't say it right now) from a few weeks ago, i still want so much to deny it ever happened. i want so much to think that my imagination kicked into overdrive. while that is possible, the effects of the body memories, dissociations, etc...are too much to ignore. i had to stay away from her for my own sanity and integrity. if i faced her i would have to confront her because it is who i am. if i confronted her in the current state of mind, then the situation would prompt something i don't want, the stigma of telling her exactly what i think and feel. do what you have to do for your own safety and piece of mind, gary.
- It is gift, and gift will find its way
- I inherit through my choice. I build through my affirmation. It is through my freedom that I nurture, or fade into autonomy
- I was not given to serve life, but to embrace it