Oh yes, I had much the same experience. As I came to understand what was and had caused my fear, anger, isolation. I was the world champion at disassociation. It told several years of therapy, coming to accept what had happened and the effects. I feel the real break thru came when I meet several other survivors and understood that I was not the only one like I had thought for years.
it is and has been quite a trip thru life, as last I feel that I am in a better place, it takes work and in my case a wife the was and is forgiveing and helpful. At last a relationship has gone right, messed up three.