guys thanks for all the feed back as always. I did take her with me and he was surprised! I had made the commitment to bring her but he figured I would change my mind. and I think it went very well. not earth shattering but I was able to tell her that I don't think I understand intimacy. at least not in the way we were talking about it. I told them both I feel like I am on guard to some extent always and I try to watch all the time. I watch to be sure I'm doing the right thing, watch to be sure I didn't hurt feelings,didn't give myself away too much.it feels that there is only so close I can allow even for her, but I think maybe now I want that to change,at least a little. hey its a start.
Either I will find a way, or I will make one.