yeah, Chris -
dealing with it on our own doesn't work - and neither does forgetting - in the long run - as you have learned. and the confusion is perfectly understandable - a normal response to an abnormal situation.
and far from being alone - there are thousands of us in this same boat with you. welcome.
let us know how we can help.
How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....