We talked about his non reciprocal stuff last night at great length. It seems he runs to those old stand-by defenses he learned from the CSA. I knew that when I looked at him in pre-op and he looked like a scared child. He never really talked about it though.
I think it may be better if I express what I need him to do instead of being quiet and expecting him to act certain ways. It's a subtle adjustment really but not something I had taken into consideration.
We had a good talk last night.
Thanks for all the input!