It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him 'be fruitful, and multiply.' But not in those words.
I do not believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.
I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
"the scariest thing about abuse of any shape or form, is, in my opinion, not the abuse itself, but that if it continues it can begin to feel commonplace and eventually acceptable."
- Alan Cumming, "Not My Father's Son"