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#450459 - 10/17/13 03:04 PM Re: So how do we fix it? [Re: sugarbaby]
sugarbaby Offline

Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 382
We talked about his non reciprocal stuff last night at great length. It seems he runs to those old stand-by defenses he learned from the CSA. I knew that when I looked at him in pre-op and he looked like a scared child. He never really talked about it though.

I think it may be better if I express what I need him to do instead of being quiet and expecting him to act certain ways. It's a subtle adjustment really but not something I had taken into consideration.

We had a good talk last night.

Thanks for all the input! smile

#450468 - 10/17/13 04:58 PM Re: So how do we fix it? [Re: sugarbaby]
On The Fringe Offline

Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
We need instructions. Not that most men are given to read instructions.

Now that I read that above, you are in an impossible place!

Just kidding smile. Hang in there
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

#450477 - 10/17/13 08:14 PM Re: So how do we fix it? [Re: sugarbaby]
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2712
Loc: durham, north england
Well sb, I'm glad you've had that discussion and things seem better.

I confess though I'm not really able to say much, since for me emotionally supporting a partner in a reciprical relationship is something I actually want! to do, albeit that that couldn't be all the relationship was.

To me, not supporting someone emotionnly is as confusing as p0rn or affairs are to me with my genophobia. i can freely see how being triggered and how dark moments can change a personality, but for me at least those would manifest mostly in a desire for solitude and a need (sometimes extreme), to not interact with others.

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