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#449500 - 10/08/13 12:41 PM New here...
Moreorless Offline

Registered: 10/07/13
Posts: 23
Loc: Pittsburgh
I can only imagine that everyone here can relate to what I'm feeling right now...

I've just signed up for this message board... I didn't do it because I'm interested in discussing video games, politics, etc.

Very specific is this forum...

I wanted to step in, say hello, type, with hopeful fingers crossed, out a small intro.

My name is Jason... I'm not really certain I'm ready to talk about anything yet...

But I do know that something inside of me is gearing up to do so.

I leaped - and it looks like I found a safe place to land. I'm certain no one will mind if I take my time for now?

Or if anyone can point out a thread or something else that suggests how I could start?

Either way - I'm glad I went looking for and found a place like this forum...

Does anyone else ever feel or fear like our attackers, even if they're dead, are still out there? Reading things we'd like to type? Listening in on our expressing ourselves about them?

Edited by Moreorless (10/08/13 12:46 PM)
"There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in." - Leonard Cohen

#449504 - 10/08/13 01:25 PM Re: New here... [Re: Moreorless]
Obi Offline

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1634
Loc: kansas

welcome to ms.

take all the time you need.

yes, i have felt like my abuser was reading what i typed, listening to my thoughts and feelings about them, etc. what helped me was to keep talking. keep sharing. the more i did that, the less hold my abuser had on me and my life. to me, it was taking that power back that was held over me. instead of me fearing him, it turned around to him fearing me. at least, that is how it worked/felt for me. others may have different ways of working through those thoughts and feelings.

our journeys are our own. however, doesn't mean we are alone. just means we have to take those steps on the journey. we have to do that ourselves, BUT we always have help, guidance and support from other survivors along the way.

again, welcome to ms.
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

#449506 - 10/08/13 01:26 PM Re: New here... [Re: Moreorless]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4286
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
Welcome, Jason.

There is no one right way to begin. What you have done is great - short intro - now suit yourself - do what you can, as you can. No pressure - no expectations - no rules. Just read if you want. Add to a thread if you like. Tell your story - or parts of it - when you feel able.

You are among friends who understand - and who go to great lengths to help, support, affirm, encourage, and validate you in your healing journey.

Speak up if you have questions - as you have done.

And - yes - many of us have had the sensation of being watched when first posting. For me - it lessened with time.

How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

#449510 - 10/08/13 01:43 PM Re: New here... [Re: Moreorless]
victor-victim Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6387
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
follow your heart.
trust your instincts.
let your feelings be your guide.
that should lead you to the stuff you need to read.

welcome to

wishing you well.


#449515 - 10/08/13 02:15 PM Re: New here... [Re: Moreorless]
Adam A Gedman Offline

Registered: 08/12/13
Posts: 188
Loc: Canada
Hey Jason,

I am sorry for your reason to be here, but you have come to a great place to help you heal and recover.
I'll share with you what was shared with me upon my arrival.
Take your time or dive right in, whatever works for you.
Bare your scars, express the things you cannot anywhere else, because we get it, we've been there.
There is no judgement here. Only attentive listeners and sage advise from those who have walked this road before us.

If I can offer one thing, I have stopped referring to the man who attacked me as "my attacker". I believe that this terminology is a means to own and control a situation I had no control over as a child. Control is a big issue for me.

Just some food for thought.

Welcome to MS
Presence is the key, for all we have is now.
All we ever have is right now.

Formerly Adam A Gedman (AKA - A damAGed man)

But you can call me Kevin

Toronto Mini WoR - May 2014

#449519 - 10/08/13 02:42 PM Re: New here... [Re: Moreorless]
Moreorless Offline

Registered: 10/07/13
Posts: 23
Loc: Pittsburgh
Thank you everyone. I'm really happy this resource is available.
"There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in." - Leonard Cohen

#449521 - 10/08/13 02:59 PM Re: New here... [Re: Moreorless]
newground Offline
Chat Moderator

Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 1153
Loc: michigan
Jump in your own pace Jason. this is a safe place for sure. look through the posts perhaps chat some and make yourself comfortable. then when and if you get ready you can tell more many of the guys haven't reached that place here cause of what you said the thought someone might be watching. there are parts of the site that are not accessible to the general public that you might also choose in time so for now just chill and be who you are. it is good to have you here
Either I will find a way, or I will make one.
Philip Sidney

#449557 - 10/08/13 07:35 PM Re: New here... [Re: Moreorless]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
Welcome Moreorless,

Congratulations on posting. Just that took courage. Dittos to whats been said above. Everyone's path is different, but theres also much thats in common among us. As you read you'll recognize your own struggles, experiences, and feelings in the stories of others here. The take-home is that you are not alone, and you don't have to go thru this by yourself.

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#449602 - 10/09/13 01:47 AM Re: New here... [Re: Moreorless]
FormerTexan Offline

Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 12156
Loc: Denver, CO
Hi Jason.

Welcome to MS.

I used to interpret for the deaf, and am quite rusty on my signing. I'm considering a class.

Money talks, but all it tells me is goodbye.

If I could meet myself as a boy...

#449671 - 10/09/13 05:57 PM Re: New here... [Re: Moreorless]
SoccerStar Offline

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 929

Occasionally I wonder if I am only thinking about the abuse or whatever feature of it because at that precise instant the perpetrator (who is still alive) is thinking about it too. This feeling used to be much more common, but while faded it is not entirely gone. And me a former science teacher.

It isn't rational, but it's real, and just a part of what the survivor must deal with.

I'm terribly sorry you have to deal with it at all, but for your own sake it is for the best that you're doing so.

Welcome.... and, feel better. Hopefully soon.


My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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