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#449493 - 10/08/13 10:44 AM Just One Sentence
Poorsoft Offline

Registered: 02/20/13
Posts: 163
You asked me what I want so I'll awkwardly fumble my thumbs as I respond in hesitant 'umpfs and ums'
and you'll do your best to reassure me; telling me what I say is just for us and no one else like I was told long ago, when I was filled with dread,
told I would go into care and my parents would surely be dead,
I can do nothing but hate myself and wonder why
it was no matter how bad I felt I couldn't cry
and Iíd sit and wish I'd die but never question myself as to why,
I would just go on this way but no one would know
that I was mereley putting on a show,
I think I'm sick, twisted and evil inside,
I should have never have told you, you didn't even take my side,
it's not worth the risk to tell someone something only for them to recycle it as chit chat
to make their day go by faster like a selfish wound that doesnít stop bleeding,
it keeps going and going and I'm wondering if you are still reading,
it doesn't matter anyway my friend, a billion years from now and the universe isn't even at it's end
and its funny because, I love how we like to pretend
a hundred years is a lifetime and we should be grateful that we're not starving and facing our end
like the countless others on this planet and its in this exact moment your eyes pass these words,
the dead have been left for the birds,
the same ones that fly over the suffering we impose,
because no one truly cares for what is left for the crows,
but no its ok I'm really not one to judge,
especially since im locked in myself and see no chance for it to budge,
its kind of ironic in a way, how we sit and pray
and hope for good things to come our way,
but we only collect tragedies and heartache like a stamp collector collecting envelopes,
but never intends to send a single one, they just sit and
whither in the heat of the blistering sun,
like a distant relative who becomes a common face at a funeral of another,
wedding days and christenings for those that are younger
and it's kind of annoying how we all sit and play this game,
that everythingís fine and you're the only one whose sane
and as I sit awkwardly; bathing in guilt and shame,
I refuse to realise I was never the one to blame,
but no matter how many times I hear it I still feel the same,
like yesterday and the day before that, I continue to curse myself and be disgusted at even a single ounce of body fat,
so I shower in self hatred and I even tried to love myself like you told me, but got rejected,
it's hard to unlearn a habit you've essentially perfected,
still my battle was fought in the past
and somehow the wounds always seems to last,
its not that I hate the world, I take pity;
that there are those that are homeless even in the richest city
and its moments like these
I just pause and freeze,
I don't understand why the world is so cruel
and why it is we let a handful of people rule,
we blindly comply, pay our taxes and continue our grind, unquestionable and compliant, they seem to have control of our mind,
since we get told what is real and true,
when no one actually has a damn clue,
just like it was when I told my mother, she asked me why I didnt tell my brother,
but they don't understand,
they think it's a fairy tale, one that I planned,
I thought at first it was a real shame, my mother thought I had made it up and I was insane,
so if you asked me what it is I want one more time,
I would probably lie and say donít want a thing,
Iím just fine.

#449548 - 10/08/13 06:26 PM Re: Just One Sentence [Re: Poorsoft]
Shyshark Offline

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 973
Loc: Canada
That was an awful lot of content in such a short statement ...
and very poignant.
I'm convinced that if I had told I would have been believed ...
and blamed
and punished
If my Mom had found out about the men ... they would have been told to knock it off.
If she had found out that I was trying to get every boy in town in the sack
it would have ALL been my fault ...
all of it.
I would have never told ...
and besides ... I didn't think I was doing anything wrong ... just don't get caught.

I hear you about all the rest ... especially the bitterness at going to family functions.
I hate it ... and considering that at 60 and being the youngest in my family ...
there will be a lot of funerals coming up.
I've already buried a number of friends so you'd think I would get some credits for that.

The world is an unfair place ... a cruel one ... full of bitterness, tragedy,
and regrets ... yet we keep doing it over and over and over.
Since the dawn of mankind there has never been a universal peace ... and there never will.
Humanity is smart ... and stupid.

I feel a little awkward in suggesting this ... but I can't help doing it.
If you haven't already read it then please read the poem that
newground put up in the post
Reinhold Niebuhr.

I have often felt like you do about my life ...
that passage has always helped me.

Again Poor ... excellent poem.

Experience is a brutal teacher.


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