I've written and re-written this pretty much every day since I originally posted and I still can't get it right, there are people here with great skill in the use of words and explaining their feelings, I'm not so good but will try, but all of you kind people have taken the trouble to post and I'd like to post back to you all.
and much more importantly I wanted them to know that they CAN TELL if they ever had a similar issue. The lessons they can carry on to their children are many
This is something that I hadn't thought of before, thank you.
If the following sounds judgemental, I apologize up front.
No need to apologise, your post hit the nail on the head, although I feel that I have started this journey of healing it all falls apart where my kids are concerned, I can and am dealing with the results of the CSA, the dissociation, heck I'm even getting to know the little boy I locked up inside my head, but it’s all been in isolation inside my own mind. It was a tough day when I finally told my wife and she's been fantastic but my relationship with my kids is somehow different, quite frankly I'd kill to protect them, walk under a bus if needed, and I guess that because of that I feel that I have to be strong, a protector, I am scared that they will see me differently, less of a Father and less of a man.
Crux - you’re a stronger person than I'll ever be
Dark empathy, if I tell then I feel that I owe it to my kids to be frank about how I feel, my mental problems, my dissociation. I've tried to bring them up to be honest and to never be afraid to say what they feel and believe, there's a saying "Don't do what I do, do what I say"
Adam - With my start on this journey of healing I too have found a compulsion to shout it out.
I see this secret as an impediment to intimacy
It has been that for pretty much most of my life since it happened
Thank you all for your comments, and kind words of advice and support, I can honestly say it has helped me so much.