i not only had a plan b, i had plans a thru z.
my mind was like some computer program...
if... then... if... then... else...
grinding away, night and day.
plan z was if i was completely alone, quadriplegic, in chronic pain, in jail, blind, deaf... etc. ALL AT THE SAME TIME... in other words if all possibilities were impossible, then i would become a heroin junkie.
in my twenties, i vowed never to succumb to any plan which included suicide. never to consider it as an alternative again.
anyway, you can see that i spent (wasted) a lot of my present on future, to avoid reliving or remembering the past.
misdirected mental energy, but it was survival or suicide at that point in my life.
there were some blessings when all my plans collapsed during the ripples and aftershocks of the post 2008 economy.
my personal financial failure has provided me with a freedom from many false ambitions. this unplanned vacation has forced me to confront many deeply buried issues of control power discipline dominance submission surrender choices consequence influence.
i have had to admit that i am not the master of the universe. i am not even a manager. i am only a man. one of many. i have only this moment, and for that i am truly grateful.
relax. relinquish. release. retreat. reboot. rebuild. reconsider. recover. repeat.
grateful for this thread and the thought it inspired.
thank you for the reminder, lucylives.
i keep forgetting these simple solutions to overwhelming obstacles. http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=448344#Post448344