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#447954 - 09/23/13 06:14 AM What do you see?
Still Offline

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1
A very serious question seeking blunt-arse answers.

So when sig others, wives, brothers, sisters and friends look at us, post-disclosure, I wonder what they see? What do they imagine? What's the picture in their head?

Now; please understand that I do not make a habit at all of disclosing to nearly anyone except for those like pastors et al whereas I can hear their views on allowing me as past of the flock, but many (as in zillions) of my local peeps heard lots about me as my ex made certain to tell all, tell the rumor-mill and all channels like them.

So what do they see when they look at us/me/we. A kid on his knees, all fours, in bed?

Just how disgusting a vision are we?

#447955 - 09/23/13 06:16 AM Re: What do you see? [Re: Still]
Rambler Offline

Registered: 12/11/06
Posts: 134
Loc: Planet Earth
Frankly, I don't care.

#447956 - 09/23/13 06:46 AM Re: What do you see? ***TRIG*** [Re: Still]
Still Offline

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1
***Trigger in Invisible Ink****

OK...But I have people around me, whom I can't ask directly. I'd like to know if they see me at 10 with a dick in my mouth or up may ass.

#447960 - 09/23/13 08:24 AM Re: What do you see? ***TRIG*** [Re: Still]
newground Offline
Chat Moderator

Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 1155
Loc: michigan
hey bud
I think it is natural to wonder what people are thinking about us. I do it all the time. and while I don't "care" exactly on one hand , I TOTALLY care on the other. it sucks that your ex told for you too really makes the telling again that much harder. I don't think that most people see in their mind the actions. for me the part I hate is the people looking at me like im broken, or just plain pitiful.for me this is a now feeling, nit thinking about what they might envision happened cause if there thinking in those terms... I don't want anything to do with them anyway.
Either I will find a way, or I will make one.
Philip Sidney

#447962 - 09/23/13 09:24 AM Re: What do you see? ***TRIG*** [Re: Still]
tbkkfile Offline

Registered: 09/16/13
Posts: 393
Loc: Surrey, United Kingdom

I do understand where your coming from, I have only ever told one person about my CSA and she happens to be my wife, I don't know whether I made the right decision, she says that she's glad that I told her, I feel somehow less then a man because of it and in the days that I'm really down I wonder whther she feels the same

#447966 - 09/23/13 10:52 AM Re: What do you see? ***TRIG*** [Re: Still]
CruxFidelis Offline

Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 486
Loc: NJ
I don't think 'most people' imagine us "on all fours" so to speak, or whatever it looked like when it happened.

I don't think most people have the pre established neural connections in their head to even be able to visualize the horror. The face contorts and cringes in disgust at such a thing. They can't handle it and they run away with it.

I think some are able to see us compassionately.
If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.

- Saint John of the Cross

#447972 - 09/23/13 12:17 PM Re: What do you see? ***TRIG*** [Re: Still]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4286
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
what i FEAR that people might be "seeing" is me as a perp - because there is such a prevalent misconception that it is inevitable that the abuse victim goes on to become an abuser - the old vampire myth. that was one thing that kept me from revealing and getting help for years.
How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

#447973 - 09/23/13 12:42 PM Re: What do you see? ***TRIG*** [Re: Still]
Valkyrie Offline

Registered: 04/27/12
Posts: 167
I see the incredible man I married who is suffering horribly. I see the man who despite this insanely evil thing that happened to him, managed to cobble together a life, no matter how disfunctional it turned out to be. I see the man who will figure this is out, will integrate, will come to terms, and who will find peace because he accomplishes everything he sets out to do. I see the man who has hurt me in ways I never imagined possible, but whom I still love and will stand by no matter what becomes of us.

#447979 - 09/23/13 02:12 PM Re: What do you see? ***TRIG*** [Re: Still]
wallflower Offline

Registered: 09/23/13
Posts: 5
As a friend I see a person, that is all. A person that I wish would embrace me wholeheartedly like I do them. The abuse is not even on my mind. I just want to be with them and have a good time and do what people do together. I do walk on egg shells thinking I will do or say something wrong because at some point I will get yelled at or mocked. So I do look at him wondering what is going on his mind and what it is I will do next that will cause him to bolt. I try to embrace the good times but they sometimes get over looked by the sudden mood changes. Honestly, I am anxious and cautious. But mostly I see someone inside of someone who I hope will take over forever and be happy.

#448032 - 09/24/13 01:02 AM Re: What do you see? ***TRIG*** [Re: Still]
pittsburgh Offline

Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 105
Loc: west Chester, Pa
I do not see where you say either of you in therapy. I would suggest that you do so. One, to help him move forward, there is a better way to live life. Two, for you to take care of yourself. My wife and I had similar issues I am now on antidepressants, this has helped the mood swings, have worked with a "T" now for several years I found that when I understood what was the effects I could start to deal with them better. The nightmares lessen to a great degree. So there is hope it takes a willingness and work. The road will have bumps but can get better. I wish you the best in your journey.
it is and has been quite a trip thru life, as last I feel that I am in a better place, it takes work and in my case a wife the was and is forgiveing and helpful. At last a relationship has gone right, messed up three.

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