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#447501 - 09/18/13 03:51 AM healing
forgive777 Offline

Registered: 05/18/13
Posts: 135
Loc: california
Iam still new to this Ms discussion page! About 4 months in iam trying to heal but I guess there is more to just getting on this website. I opened up about this about a year to my mother but then I got over it. Few weeks past and out of nowhere I remembered the abuse over and over. I couldn't handle it. I decided to look up therapy... I found a university that gave students the university students practice with us I think they call it intership? Not to sure I went to see her for about three months I wasn't feeling any better talking to her about CSA. I was leaving there sad angry depressed etc. Should I look into getting a more experienced therapist. Don't get me wrong I felt that it was the rite step .. But I want to feel better I feel like there is a trapped happiness within in my self. How do I start healing. And also kind of stopped dating since I opened up I want to move on its been for ever that I felt trapped I want to be feel good and focused without remembering the CSA and running from it. Or atleast accept and forgive I tried but can't get any where...

Edited by forgive777 (09/18/13 04:11 AM)

#447510 - 09/18/13 09:57 AM Re: healing [Re: forgive777]
Onesimus75 Offline

Registered: 08/22/13
Posts: 158
Loc: Minnesota
I really do think that someone with experience is much better at this. Talk all the theory you want, I've never learned as much about how things work as by listening to others. I have had a few T's and the most experienced and best one was a guy in his 30's who used to screen pedophiles out of the Catholic application process. VERY down to earth, had heard it all. I think interns/rookies still try and force everything to fit the schoolbook.
We are not defined by our faults, or our wounds, but by the truth within us, which nothing can take away.

#447515 - 09/18/13 12:00 PM Re: healing [Re: forgive777]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4197
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
yes, experience is good. and the right "fit" or compatibility of personalities and an approach that is right for you.

but also - don't expect to feel better immediately. i remember in my early days of therapy literally staggering out of the office, feeling as if i had just been beat up - emotionally bruised and battered. not that the T had done anything to me - it was just so painful letting out the memories, thoughts and feelings i had held in so tightly for so long - and they brought with them all their "friends" - new stuff that i hadn't recognized and that had to be dealt with too.

it is hard and grueling work and each time i would be exhausted. i likened it to going to the dentist - you hate it while it is happening - but know it is for your own good, ultimately. or maybe a tough workout - after which every muscle in your body aches - but you know it makes you stronger. but it got easier and i got better and eventually started to FEEL better, too.

so - don't judge the effectiveness of the therapy totally by how you feel. but you should - i believe - be aware if you are making progress - getting somewhere - changing the way you think or feel about the past. sometimes that is dramatic and immediate - and sometimes gradual and nearly indiscernible. if you look back and compare where you are now with where you were - you should be able to tell if there has been progress.

hope some of this makes sense.

i wish you all the best as you seek and find the right match in a T for you.

How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

#447516 - 09/18/13 12:05 PM Re: healing [Re: forgive777]
Rich1967 Offline

Registered: 07/18/13
Posts: 608
Loc: PA
It's hard to say. I don't think going to therapy and dealing with CSA issues are much fun ever so I didn't look at my sessions as something to make me feel better in the short term. If I was going to tell someone what to expect based on MY experiences - it's going to be painful at first for a while (months), BUT you should feel some since of accomplishment at times as you figure some things out. It's like putting a puzzle together where all the pieces are one color and anytime you find a piece it's quite an achievement.

Everybody is different so you have to do what you think is right. My T is great. He has helped many abuse survivors in his time so I tend to agree that someone with experience is a better bet.

Keep reading here too. Even after a year of therapy I still find pieces of the puzzle. It also helps to cement the things I've already dealt with.

Hope this makes some sense to you and is helpful.
"Me too"-I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.
My Story

#447524 - 09/18/13 01:25 PM Re: healing [Re: forgive777]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: forgive777
....Not to sure I went to see her for about three months I wasn't feeling any better talking to her about CSA. I was leaving there sad angry depressed etc. Should I look into getting a more experienced therapist.

Hi Forgive777,

I would agree that you might be better off with a specialist in childhood trauma. But please don't expect to feel better from therapy for quite a while. The nature of therapy is to go back and reclaim the memories, feel the feelings associated with them, and learn to live with what happened and move forward with your life. It can be a painful process. One that takes courage, strength, and time.

So if the University intern is all you can afford right now, by all means continue. But if there is any way to seek out a specialist, I'd recommend it. It made all the difference in the world for me. Good luck and keep posting.

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#447583 - 09/19/13 01:02 AM Re: healing [Re: forgive777]
forgive777 Offline

Registered: 05/18/13
Posts: 135
Loc: california
Thanks Ms survivors for the respond! The only thing that kind of killed me opening up about the abuse is... She was younger then me 25 and super hot!!! Geez.. that alone was courage I would say! I need a male and those know how to heel CSA!


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