hey, Kevin -
i had one of those AHA moments recently too. visiting a family who had an 11-yr-old son - i was amazed by how small, immature, weak and vulnerable he was. i realized that most of my episodes had happened before or when i was 11-12. i was amazed by the difference between that little boy and how i had been remembering myself - nearly as big as i am now.
you are right - you need to take a new look at the circumstances as they were back then - try to see it, feel it and assess it through your younger self - and not look at it all thought the adult eyes that are your present reality. it is not fair to use that grown-up standard of judgement on your past child.
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"