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#447360 - 09/16/13 12:56 PM New Insights
Tanis2105 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/16/10
Posts: 53
Loc: SW Florida
Itís been a tough few weeks but I think Iím ready to come back and start sharing again. People often talk about AHA moments and today in my T session I had 2. First when we were talking about why Iím so hesitant about going into the 3-4 week program it came to light that when I was younger (26) while in drug rehab I remembered I was abused by my roommate Ė without going into detail I just froze I didnít fight or run hell I was supposed to be safe and I sure as hell could have fought to stop it and should have but I froze which brought on the second AHA if I froze at 26 6í2Ē 210# why the hell am I beating up on myself from when I was 11/12 easily under 5í and under 100#. I have all kinds of thoughts going through my head right now anger, confusion, sadness Ė but I think Iím ready to start looking at what happened in a new way and in a better light. It shall be a long rough road but Iím more determined now to work harder at it. Just thought Iíd let all know Iím starting to see some upside to all this mixed up fight Iíve been on for most of the year.

Kevin

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#447364 - 09/16/13 03:21 PM Re: New Insights [Re: Tanis2105]
flightmedic38 Offline


Registered: 09/13/13
Posts: 79
Loc: Kansas
Good for you. I left therapy scared to death about the flood gates opening. Good to hear a positive when all I think about is the negative.
_________________________
Either get to living or get to dying!!!!! Shawshank redemption

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#447404 - 09/16/13 10:11 PM Re: New Insights [Re: Tanis2105]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3956
Loc: settling in the USA again
hey, Kevin -

i had one of those AHA moments recently too. visiting a family who had an 11-yr-old son - i was amazed by how small, immature, weak and vulnerable he was. i realized that most of my episodes had happened before or when i was 11-12. i was amazed by the difference between that little boy and how i had been remembering myself - nearly as big as i am now.

you are right - you need to take a new look at the circumstances as they were back then - try to see it, feel it and assess it through your younger self - and not look at it all thought the adult eyes that are your present reality. it is not fair to use that grown-up standard of judgement on your past child.

lee
_________________________
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

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