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#445362 - 08/24/13 08:57 PM Mother of an Adult Survivor
indygal Offline

Registered: 06/22/06
Posts: 439
well am trying to post but can't seem to narrow this down very well.

would be nice to know if there are any other parents of adult survivors out there?

basically he's angry at me (always) and virtually every action he exhibits screams to me "survivor mode" and I want SO bad to tell him, explain to him, this is why but I honestly don't think he's confronted this aspect of his life.

In other words, I'm not at all sure he knows he's a survivor.

I did mention something to him once, a short time before he disappeared but I don't know if he remembers or not, and it has occurred to me since (see my re-intro post) there very well could have been other times, possibly other abusers which I never knew about.

We've yet to meet face to face; he can't bring himself to do so yet - for whatever reason. When he first re-initiated contact I was going to wait until we met to explain things to him but now it's been a couple of months and things are very very hard. I'm wondering if it would be better to do so on the phone and get it over with as he seems quite distraught and stressed.

He actually seems afraid to see me, which of course, is heartwrenching.

I don't know what to do. I'm his mom, and I want to help him, and I don't know what to do....

*addendum* I've brought up having us see a family counselor to facilitate matters, all to no avail. I do know he's had counseling in the past, but know nothing further.

Edited by indygal (08/24/13 08:59 PM)
my avatar is one of the Battle Angel characters, fighting the good fight.

#446603 - 09/07/13 04:39 AM Re: Mother of an Adult Survivor [Re: indygal]
indygal Offline

Registered: 06/22/06
Posts: 439
so what? new territory? something I wrote? someone? anyone?
my avatar is one of the Battle Angel characters, fighting the good fight.

#446647 - 09/08/13 03:08 AM Re: Mother of an Adult Survivor [Re: indygal]
Adam A Gedman Offline

Registered: 08/12/13
Posts: 188
Loc: Canada

I'm sorry that I don't have much to offer.
The anger you describe is remenisant of my own, in the not too distant path.
It is also similar to the anger displayed by my own son, while in the depths of depression, unrelated to CSA or SA at all.
I'm not really in any position to diagnose anyone.
If it did occur, he will only pursue help when he's ready, and not before.
This is true of me, and I would guess every other survivor.

All you can offer is your love and support, and to allow him time to figure it out.

I hope someone else in the f&f area can throw out a little experience as well.

I am sorry you going through this, and feel so helpless. It is a feeling my wife have both felt in relation to our son.

Keep well.
Presence is the key, for all we have is now.
All we ever have is right now.

Formerly Adam A Gedman (AKA - A damAGed man)

But you can call me Kevin

Toronto Mini WoR - May 2014

#446800 - 09/10/13 12:54 PM Re: Mother of an Adult Survivor [Re: indygal]
sugarbaby Offline

Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 382
I watched my H be angry at his mother for many years. It was a while into therapy before he could shift that anger. Basically, she took the brunt of his feeling about the perp.

I don't know the psychology behind it but it is better now.


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