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#445459 - 08/25/13 10:32 PM New here and facing up to 35 +yrs of denial
KJvox70 Offline


Registered: 08/25/13
Posts: 5
I'm 43, was married, 3 kids.... been divorced 8 years and thru many failed relationships. Sexual hangups, depression, addiction, low self worth...all the "stuff" that Im learning is par for course.
Finally had to get to the core of "why?"these things have ruled my life.
I was molested by older male cousins from age of 6 to about 14. Guess I buried and refused to give it any credit in my life for all these years. Now painfully realizing just how much of a negative impact it has had on my adult life.
It's total BS that we've been robbed of so many things in life.

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#445463 - 08/25/13 10:42 PM Re: New here and facing up to 35 +yrs of denial [Re: KJvox70]
newground Offline

Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 1106
Loc: michigan
hey KJ
it is b.s. for sure but the good news is that in facing it you can develop the power to overcome you are in good company here and it is a place where you are understood. just unwind and check out the site maybe chat a bit if MY experience is any indicator you will find a second home man.
heal well
Jeff
_________________________
Either I will find a way, or I will make one.
Philip Sidney

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#445475 - 08/26/13 02:47 AM Re: New here and facing up to 35 +yrs of denial [Re: KJvox70]
1.healing Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 261
Loc: NW Ohio

Welcome, KJ,

It's indeed a difficult road you've traveled to be here. I'm familiar... I was sexually abused as a kid by an older male cousin. Others here share like experiences and have the compassion to help see you through the tough times and rejoice in the good ones, they do happen too! I wish you healing in all ways!

Gary / 1.healing
_________________________
"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

George Elliot

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."

Virginia Woolf

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#445494 - 08/26/13 11:12 AM Re: New here and facing up to 35 +yrs of denial [Re: KJvox70]
KJvox70 Offline


Registered: 08/25/13
Posts: 5
Thanks Gary. After doing a lot of research yesterday, Im honestly OVERWEALMED at how big and bad this monster Ive picked a fight with is.

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#445503 - 08/26/13 02:27 PM Re: New here and facing up to 35 +yrs of denial [Re: KJvox70]
1.healing Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 261
Loc: NW Ohio
Breathe, my friend, and perhaps take things a little slower... It's very easy to become overwhelmed, especially in the beginning and without as much support as you may need in place. Sometimes there's a tendency to take it all on at once and at those times I remind myself that "Rome wasn't built in a day." neither did our abuse happen that quickly, it will take time to unravel and the healing you deserve will happen over time in stages, not all at once. For most of us here it's been worth the journey, particularly when weighing the alternatives. It was a very brave move to come here and post so soon, your poetry also, courageously expressed. You have what it takes to take on monsters, there are others here to help in those battles too. For now take this time to just get familiar and more comfortable here, including stepping back a comfortable distance when overwhelmed, but not altogether away, all the rest will follow as it needs too. And stay connected, it's the real key to recovery.

Gary / 1.healing




No need to push so hard as to push yourself away, take your time


Edited by 1.healing (08/26/13 08:16 PM)
Edit Reason: corrected text
_________________________
"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

George Elliot

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."

Virginia Woolf

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#445504 - 08/26/13 02:42 PM Re: New here and facing up to 35 +yrs of denial [Re: KJvox70]
DavoSwim Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 388
Loc: Midwest
KJ

I'm very sorry for what you experienced. I can relate to hiding your past. I kept my history of abuse secret for 40 years. While your story is unique to you, all of us here unfortunately share experiences related to the CSA. This is a safe place for you to tell your story, make friends, seek help, and, in general, receive support on your healing journey.

This is your path to a better life. Take it at your own pace and make the most of the resources here that can help you. Good luck.

DavO

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#445566 - 08/27/13 09:14 AM Re: New here and facing up to 35 +yrs of denial [Re: KJvox70]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
Hi KJvox70,

Welcome to the club that no one wants to join: Middle-aged men who finally are coming to grips with having been sexually abused as boys. After years of denial, and letting the destruction overtake our lives, we want our lives BACK.

MS is just one piece, but a powerful piece it is. Being able to talk with others who have experienced the same things, felt the same feelings, thought the same thoughts, believed the same lies, can hugely healing. Don't leave out the therapy piece and having a support system of people close by if possible.

Be well my friend.

Jude
_________________________
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

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#445570 - 08/27/13 09:52 AM Re: New here and facing up to 35 +yrs of denial [Re: KJvox70]
KMCINVA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3475
KJ

I am sorry you are here. But it is a place you can come and feel safe. It is difficult to face the past after years of burying the abuse.

Write what you feel, share what you are comfortable sharing and take care of yourself. It is a journey of lifetime--many ups and downs but in the end you will find some peace and begin to live the life you deserve.

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#445617 - 08/27/13 06:58 PM Re: New here and facing up to 35 +yrs of denial [Re: KJvox70]
Rich1967 Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 581
Loc: PA
KJ,

I visited once a year ago and it was too much for me then. After some therapy under my belt I'm back and loving it here.

I hope you find the same comfort that I have so enjoyed.

I'm 45 (I've been saying I'm 44 incorrectly - I must be trying to get some of the lost years back :-) and have 4 kids.

Welcome.
_________________________
"Me too"-I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.
My Story
Progress

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#445626 - 08/27/13 07:45 PM Re: New here and facing up to 35 +yrs of denial [Re: KJvox70]
KJvox70 Offline


Registered: 08/25/13
Posts: 5
Thanks to all for the encouraging posts. I am doing my best to slow my mind a bit. I spent the whole weekend online absorbing a ton of information.
Im determined to move forward and begin the battle of regaining my self and healing.
Again, thank you all. God Bless.
KJ

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#445680 - 08/28/13 08:38 AM Re: New here and facing up to 35 +yrs of denial [Re: KJvox70]
F.A. Offline


Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 229
Loc: United States
Originally Posted By: KJvox70

I was molested by older male cousins from age of 6 to about 14. Guess I buried and refused to give it any credit in my life for all these years.


Welcome to a place you can recover with help from these amazing men here. I didn't refuse to give it credit, I though it was no big deal and my perp loved me. From 6-16 for me or longer can't really pin point it.
_________________________
F.A.

To be sick is to be fragmented. To be healed is to become whole, and to become whole one must be in harmony with family, friends, and nature" -Navajo-
Blog: http://csafresno.blogspot.com
Facebook: http://tinyurl.com/CSAFresno
My Story: http://tinyurl.com/78upvvu

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#447071 - 09/13/13 04:46 AM Re: New here and facing up to 35 +yrs of denial [Re: KJvox70]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6363
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
welcome to ms.org, KJvox70.

sorry you feel the need for help, but you have come to a good place. i have received much good from my communications here.

i hope you will as well.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#448944 - 10/01/13 10:45 PM Re: New here and facing up to 35 +yrs of denial [Re: KJvox70]
Bill61 Offline


Registered: 09/29/13
Posts: 41
Loc: Illinois
KJ
I held my abuse in my subconscious for 36 years and suffered from depression, two suicide attempts, anxiety attacks and bipolar. My abuse started when I was 16 years old in 1977 by a priest at a catholic high school and was my school counselor. I thought I was the only person he abused until I found that there were 5 other people who brought suit against him.
_________________________
Small Stones
"Those who remove mountains begin by carrying away small stones"

"I am in charge of how I fell and I choose HAPPINESS" from The Law of Attraction.

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#448950 - 10/01/13 11:13 PM Re: New here and facing up to 35 +yrs of denial [Re: KJvox70]
thepatient Offline


Registered: 09/29/13
Posts: 29
Loc: USA
I, too, discredited the effect which CSA had on my life. It should have been a blaring sign considering I'm so maladapted, but hey I'm here now. The guys here seem very kind and understanding. We can get through this together.
_________________________
"Shine on forever
Shine on benevolent sun
Shine down upon the broken
Shine until the two become one
Shine on upon the severed
Divided, I'm withering away
Shine on upon the many, light our way
Benevolent sun"

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#448965 - 10/02/13 07:34 AM Re: New here and facing up to 35 +yrs of denial [Re: KJvox70]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1
Originally Posted By: KJvox70
Thanks to all for the encouraging posts. I am doing my best to slow my mind a bit. I spent the whole weekend online absorbing a ton of information.
Im determined to move forward and begin the battle of regaining my self and healing.
Again, thank you all. God Bless.
KJ


Small bites Pal. Small bites...

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#448975 - 10/02/13 10:00 AM Re: New here and facing up to 35 +yrs of denial [Re: KJvox70]
KMCINVA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3475
KJ

Sorry you have to be here but you have come to a good place. Denial is a major to CSA victims. We try to deny the abuse but the abuse is eating out our core until we accept and heal. Denial is a powerful weapon with adverse consequences. I was 45 plus years of denial until too many factors erupted the past. But today, after 2 1/2 years of therapy, support groups and psychiatrist along with several hospitalizations I am healing. It is an emotional roller coaster--but do not let the downs stop you from moving forward. Once you take back your life from the abuser you can begin to live. What has been lost in the past is the past, but what you will have once you begin to heal will be a life worth living.

Good luck and remember we are here for you.

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#448978 - 10/02/13 10:14 AM Re: New here and facing up to 35 +yrs of denial [Re: KJvox70]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1631
Loc: Minnesota
Welcome to MS and to next part of your life! I hope you find here the support and honesty that will help guide you towards reclaiming Your life.

I repressed what happened to me for 35 years and battled alcoholism, sex addiction, depression, was separated twice and had career struggles for most of my life. I had been sober for many years from those "acting out" behaviors, yet Facing the abuse has been a big step in the journey of healing.

Learn to take care of yourself as you walk this path of healing-You do not have to deal with everything at once. One day at a time You can have a better life.

Today, I'm a good father husband and friend And I have a beautiful life.


Edited by Mountainous Buck (10/02/13 10:16 AM)
_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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