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#44533 - 06/06/01 04:06 AM My Lost Soul.

Right now i'm pretty confused over my sexuality. But i've thought more of unconditional love from a man.

Me and my father are pretty much have a numb relationship,I should say. It's there but it's blocked somehow. I guess from the effects of the abuse, he somehow wants to treat me worse than my yonger brothers. He gives them more respect. It just hurts me. Then my younger brothers look up to me, a negative person who has no friends. I just have some reminders when I was beat up in elementary school and also when a teacher tried (in some way he did) tell everyone that I was gay. (in Mid. School) I couldn't do anything about it. Everything changed when I got older and more attractive I guess. \:\(

#44534 - 06/06/01 04:55 AM Re: My Lost Soul.
fmighell Offline

Registered: 02/19/01
Posts: 276
Loc: Anchorage,Alaska
My Dad and I have something, only over the phone, we talk.
I can not trust my Dad, because of all that we have been through, or should I say me.

Since I'v been my own parent, mostly when I was 10.
He tried shooting himself with me between him and the shotgun, he had felt sorry for hurting my penis, for devoricing his wife or my Mom, but because he was out of it, he didn't know I'd taken the shell's out when he wasn't looking.
Also when his ex-co-worker drunk, rape me and my Dad could only see my hands being pulled free from the door that I was tring to hold on to, while I was yelling for help, as his ex-friend did this, Dad was just watching from the dinningroom window to the garage.
Another time out hunting for deer, in Wyo.
letting me (13) get lost in the forest.
I wasn't safe around him.

Like I said, I still talk to him over the phone, and I still can't trust him today.

fmighell Anc Ak


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