Do I know I am straight or gay from my feelings towards being attracted or aroused by certain aspects of male and female composition? The answer should be yes. BUT!
Letís start with the biology. It is believed that men who are sexually aroused by the male body are gay, and those aroused by the female body are straight. If both, then they are bisexual.
However, the problem is that this is not always clear. Being bisexual is the source of confusion. For example, what if a guy is attracted to men (their male physique, genitalia, etc.) but is also attracted to ONLY SOME of the female body? Do you call this half-bisexual man or what? I have this problem. I have always believed that I like guys and the male body. But there is something with seeing a man practicing cunnilingus on a woman. In addition, a shaved and smooth vagina does something in my fantasy, but I donít know if this is called arousal. This makes me confused.
What makes this more problematic is that when I am with a man, I THINK I am going to enjoy it all, but still I often donít, so I feel bad about it. I donít get it: why I am attracted to something I cannot enjoy. It seems unreachable joy.
It is like a picture that from far away it looks so attractive and interesting that you want to reach it, touch it, caress it, play with it, please it , ... But when I reach it, it is nothing, it is only a piece of wood. This is what I feel towards guys. I am attracted to men who are handsome in my view, but when I am close to their bodies, they become just simple meat and flesh that have no special attractions. There is also the smell, breath, or things I consider dirty, or that they will want to do things I am not sure of or are my turn-off. I think I like kissing handsome men. But in reality I also donít enjoy this. I did enjoy it only once but I donít know how! Let alone the semi-belief that I will never be able to love a man.
On the other hand, sexually I canít stand female breasts and the circular shape of their lower torso! As I mentioned, I can only (I think) enjoy looking at a shaved and smooth vagina (but not all), so what does this make me? When it comes to kissing a woman on the mouth, I would say no! On the other hand, I think I can love and be loved by a woman, for feelings, passion!
I think my attraction can be embodied in a person who is a woman but looks like a man. This is similar to the famous transsexual porn star Buck Angel who was born a woman, but has changed her body to look completely like a guy. Except that she still has female genitalia. (For my fantasy, the male genitalia will still be missed. Of course we canít have everything!)
I havenít tried it with a woman, and I donít know if I am up to it. I donít want to regret it!
Any similarities guys? Can you solve this confusion?
Looking for my own Buck Angel!
Edited by Lonely Ha (08/20/13 06:16 AM)