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#444404 - 08/15/13 07:22 PM What The Hell Am I?
InsideTheWall Offline

Registered: 01/10/09
Posts: 297
I consider myself straight and check out women all the time. But I have to honestly say, I've been sexually attracted to other guys that I was emotionally close to. Its admittedly never become physical but I lack experience and don't know how it could go. Again, I'm very attracted to pussy but Im kind of wondering if I'm slightly bi. I have no idea if this is legitimate or a result of homosexual implanting. Anyone with relevant experience, Please help.

Edited by InsideTheWall (08/15/13 07:43 PM)

#444410 - 08/15/13 08:42 PM Re: What The Hell Am I? [Re: InsideTheWall]
irishguym Offline

Registered: 02/08/13
Posts: 42
I wish I could offer you help-I wish I could offer myself help as well. This is an issue I and many others here struggle with regularly. While I can't offer help-know that you are not alone

#444515 - 08/17/13 12:24 AM Re: What The Hell Am I? [Re: InsideTheWall]
ScorpioBlue Offline

Registered: 11/30/12
Posts: 5
Loc: NYC Metro Area

As Irish said "you are not alone" especially here on the MS message board. There are plenty of us out here with similar questions and confusion. When I first started reading the posts here, I was amazed at the honest and brave discussion. Thank you for your brave and honest post.

Only you can know the answer to your questions. As for me, I'm a happily married man who is sometimes attracted to guys. I try to focus on self-acceptance and sometimes even pride. Whether it is imprinting from my CSA or I'm bi-sexual, I feel what I feel and I work not to feel ashamed of it. So long as I don't act it out in unhealthy or harmful ways - as I have in the past -it is an acceptable part of who I am as a human being. I believe that sexuality even without CSA is more fluid than most people are able to admit to. When I go easy on myself, the answers either become more clear and/or they seem much less important.

Good luck to you.
"Take me down
You can hold me
But you can't hold what's within
Pull me round
Push me to the limit
Maybe I may bend
But I know where I'm not going
I Will Not Be Broken" (Bonnie Raitt)

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#444631 - 08/19/13 12:47 AM Re: What The Hell Am I? [Re: InsideTheWall]
AndyS87 Offline

Registered: 12/12/08
Posts: 310
Loc: sorry, but I don't say on the ...
Inside -

I have worried about this a lot in the past, to the point where it's become obsessive at times. Even though I'm at a point in my life where I know I like girls and I'm not finding that guys do anything for me at all, I can't help but question. After all, my past before I got into therapy involved a lot of gay porn and gay fantasies. That all went away after I realized that those behaviors were just me acting out from the abuse, but the question still pops up sometimes, because as I said, how is it I did all that stuff and then figured out that I was actually straight?

All I can do is look at where I am and try to realize that thoughts are just thoughts, and don't define me or my actions. If one day it turns out that I fall in love with another guy, then so be it, I will have to accept that and move on. If not, I'm very much ok with that too, and I will have to get comfortable with the fact that certain things might trigger me in my life.

Another thing to consider - in my case, I have eyes, I'm not blind. I can say that a man is attractive or good looking without actually being attracted. Looks are looks! I have gay friends who will openly drop a "Damn, that girl looks fine!", but that doesn't mean they want to sleep with her.

Emotionally, do what feels right. I have many male friends, and while many of them are like brothers to me and know all about what I've been through, I don't think I can say I've ever felt like I was physically, emotionally or romantically attracted to them. Most of my female friends on the other hand were crushes that I couldn't get the courage up to ask out, and as a result made me their friend by default. Nothing wrong with that either, just that it kind of kills me to hear girls I like talking about their boyfriends in front of me. My fault for not stating my intentions though. Ultimately, I've realized that what I want more than anything else is for a girl to be in my life who loves me and accepts 100% what I went through and doesn't judge me for it. I feel like I could really get close with somebody like that and actually fall in love. Who knows though! As we are all too aware, life throws us curveballs.


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