Newest Members
chairdesklamp, Bill Ohio USA, jez, Long Way Home, Bcbornleo
13595 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Brianna (32), Firewire (45), Floss1964 (54), gogo (47), Jake_t2398 (34)
Who's Online
8 registered (betrayed boy, A74, anxietydepressio, Chris4TheMill, 3 invisible), 46 Guests and 2 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,595 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,708 Topics
493,802 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Topic Options
#82338 - 03/13/06 02:33 AM My first poem (possible Triggers)
kniob Offline

Registered: 03/04/06
Posts: 47
Loc: NC, USA
It happens,
I cry...I feel shame,
I die inside.

It happens again,
I cry harder,
I wish for death.

It doesn't stop,
I go numb,
I pray for death.

It happens again,
I feel nothing,
I seek death.

It won't stop,
No joy,
I try to die.

I fail,
I cry at my failure,
Inside I die some more.

Again it happens,
Joy has left replaced by sadness,
I welcome death.

I seek death,
I find death,
He does not grant my wish.

He leaves me,
I am alone,
I shut down.

And it continues to happen...


If I die, he wins.
Losing is not an option.

Forgive yourself.

#82339 - 03/13/06 03:08 AM Re: My first poem (possible Triggers)
Bobby Offline

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
Hear you. Bobby

I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.

#82340 - 03/13/06 03:17 AM Re: My first poem (possible Triggers)
FormerTexan Offline

Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 12157
Loc: Denver, CO
I hear that one too, Zach. Loud and clear.


Money talks, but all it tells me is goodbye.

If I could meet myself as a boy...

#82341 - 03/13/06 04:49 AM Re: My first poem (possible Triggers)
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

I usually like to cut out a piece and comment on a brother's poem, but in this case I want to just say that I understand you and I don't judge you.

Yes, it really was that bad. I don't deny that. But we have so much to live for, and one of the great joys of recovery is the rediscovery of that fact.

There are so many hands extended to you Zach. Reach out and take them.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#82342 - 03/13/06 04:54 AM Re: My first poem (possible Triggers)
WalkingSouth Offline

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16270
Loc: Waldport, Oregon

You are among friends here. We've been there, and because we have, we can say with honesty that we love you and we understand, no strings attached.


Lots of love,


"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting 'Holy Shit! What a ride!'" ~Hunter S. Thompson

#443318 - 08/05/13 06:46 AM Re: My first poem (possible Triggers) [Re: kniob]
victor-victim Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6387
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada

'it' happens. you are right about that.

you live.
you survive.
you thrive.

there is a reason that your death wish was not granted.
you have purpose and value.


#443365 - 08/05/13 04:30 PM Re: My first poem (possible Triggers) [Re: kniob]
Shyshark Offline

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 973
Loc: Canada
Hi Zach

I wish ... with every fiber of my body ...

that I could say ...

" I don't understand "

I do.
Experience is a brutal teacher.


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.