I am realizing that now, but I am such a logical and strong person that sometimes I just want to throw the towel in because there seems like there's no way that being a survivor is the reason for such loneliness all of a sudden. I immediately want to protect myself and move on because if he doesn't have any emotions available or doesn't show he cares the same than why would I stay, but than my heart sees a man who is sad and who does love me.
Hi Pookie, this is certainly my experience too and it's an ongoing struggle. Some times are easier than other times. In my relationship, I am seeing that those limited emotions are the scar tissue of a deep, deep wounding and the fear of being too close (my husband was abused by his older sister) is exacerbated when I feel unsettled and get too needy (my own abandonment issues).
It's good that you are a strong woman and therapy definitely is a life line. I don't doubt that my husband loves me bigger than his abuse, it's just that the abuse has been tangled into his soul for such a long, long time.
Taking care of myself was not my natural proclivity (Being a nurturer is my own survival mechanism) so I'm finding plenty to do just focusing on my own recovery. Believe it or not, this self-care is giving my DH and I more common ground than ever before. I'm pretty sure this would not be possible if he wasn't actively engaged in his own recovery.
My best to you and your friend.