i went home after the last post - hung out for a bit - but found the buzzing - angry growing -

but i had to expell it - act forward - push -

i wanted i thought i imagined

i realized that the idea to be someone that
it was just not a one way existing -

if to live in a world where you think no one is
avaialable to your emotions or knows how you feel
it is not a two way street for you as a baby

the mind warps

with this - i was filled with a chirping joy inside -like a new baby getting his voice - and

chirp chirp talking talking i love to talk i want to talk -

this is where i was - inside -

i have been working hard and the nap made realize

it too as i came back to the cafe to write -

is that sad part -

my mother i do not think had the ability to love herself or us - i not sure -

it is hard tho - i exist in the common understanding now - but at the same time -

my understanding of that dark looking face

a therapist said - a non reflection

was so throw up making inside as i cam in here

i am strengthened tho by the thoughts of you all

and my dad who is now helping -

peace -

if you live in a world of thinking no one understands - or no common emotions the rage is huge - and builds -
i would imagine -

"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous