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#444146 - 08/13/13 02:23 AM Re: Insight from ALL please [Re: Joy]
pittsburgh Offline

Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 105
Loc: west Chester, Pa
Thank you for you kind words, this is what we do on here, support each other. I did not notice where you said whither either of you are working with a therapist or is he at least in AA to address that issue. One of my ways that I was helped was that I was open enough to discuss what happened with my wife, sometimes I could be quite open other days I just wanted to pretend it was not there. I would also suggest you find a therapist, find on that has worked with male survivors. You will also need a support system. Perhaps Al-non. I also suggest you know your bounties and be safe. It has taken me four years to get to this point and I know it is not done. One last thought, Is there a survivor group in your area?, I am going to a survivor weekend this coming weekend. These are just some thoughts. All my best.
it is and has been quite a trip thru life, as last I feel that I am in a better place, it takes work and in my case a wife the was and is forgiveing and helpful. At last a relationship has gone right, messed up three.

#444856 - 08/21/13 01:02 AM Re: Insight from ALL please [Re: Joy]
woundedowl Offline

Registered: 07/03/10
Posts: 31
Loc: Coastal NC
Im sorry your struggling, I am too, and I think I understand your bfs perspective somewhat. I've had some problems with my wife lately and she expressed some ugly feelings towards me and it hurt very much I have a harder time than ever believeing that she loves me and that she will stay with me, even though she tells me and im supossed to trust and believer her, and logically I do.....but I feel so horible about myself that its hard to imagine why she would even love me......I know she does in my mind but I think in some ways I dont know how to be loved because it does not feel like abuse or manipulation and so it confuses me, then I realize that the most evident sign of her love is her feet, there still in my house. She said ugly mean things, let me know how difficult my abused broken self can be to handle and was not sure if she wanted to be married to me anymore.......I cut my wrists on our 28th anniversary while she was spending the weekend at her aunt and uncles thinkinbg things through It was bad, I survived and she is home......he sees where you are, with him, he should know at least in his mind that you love him. Part of love is longsuffering....she has suffered long with me and I with her. We have a long way to go and Im still so crushed that I need lots of reasurances and Id like a lot more little signs of love and affection just to be reminded that she still loves me even if Im a messed up person in many ways. What really needs to happen is I need to and he needs to learn to love ourselfs. I am working on being stronger and she is working on loving and tolerating me......I knolw she loves me but I hurt so damn bad inside that i do have to ask her at times does she love me, a little or a lot? He and I need much validation. It is so hard to feel lovable when used and abused like a worthless ragdoll, then threatend and hurt into silence. I thought I was going to die, I though I deserved to die cause I caused all of my abuses he said could I feel worthy of love......if you love me i may ask what is so wrong with you trhat you love something so trashy and used as me.....I believe you love your bf, I believe my wife loves me....but I dont feel worthy and I dont know how to be loved, perhaps he does not either. I have been difficult for my wife because of all of the damage in my life. I know your bf is difficult on you.....all you can do is educate yourself so you can understand him as much as youcan so you never get tired and throw him away like my wife almost and may still do to me. I hope I helped, Im so sorry we are so hard to love cause I know I want to feel loved so bad that I weep over it but I still mess it all up. I hope he can see your heart for him. You are in a delicate situation with a person who could eaisly be emotionally destroyed as I have been, if you are not careful....sorry its that way, just saying.........and I know you are an important person with feelings and needs that are probably hard for him to see at times, but I know and understand your part

Edited by woundedowl (08/21/13 01:10 AM)

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