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#362585 - 05/20/11 08:38 AM Re: Hi my name is Philip [Re: philipdeal]
pbert53 Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 10/26/09
Posts: 576
Loc: Washington, USA
Hello Philip,

My name is paul and i am glad that you joined us here at I am also glad that you were able to see a T and that you are going to get the help you need to advance on your path to recovery.

Your story is familiar. Your pain is shared. You are not alone.

I hope you will stay and learn and grow with us. It can be very painful and difficult but well worth the work.

I hope to meet you in Chat some time. If you ever need a listening ear, feel free to private message me, (PM) either in chat or into my message area.


paul smile

If you cannot control what happens to you, you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.

~ adapted from: Sri Ram

#441687 - 07/22/13 05:05 AM Re: Hi my name is Philip [Re: philipdeal]
victor-victim Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6387
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
welcome, Philip.

good to have you here.

sorry to hear about your negative past experiences.

and with time, i pray you can leave those negative experiences in the past (where they belong).

hope today is ok.
here's to the future.

this website can help you to put it all into perspective.

my heart goes with you on your road to recovery.


#441703 - 07/22/13 09:51 AM Re: Hi my name is Philip [Re: philipdeal]
Bowen Offline

Registered: 07/21/13
Posts: 6
Loc: Vermont, USA
Thanks so much for sharing Philip. Reading these stories gives me a lot of hope. I was abused for three years by a boarding school teacher. I am only now starting to realize how much a resented my mother for sending me away in seventh grade. I think I have always held her partly responsible.

I suffer now with questions of my sexual identity. I have been married for 22 years. I fantasize with gay porn, and have had a few encounters that initially make me feel wanted, but always end with me feeling empty. I have thought of myself as bi, and even shared that with my closest friend. He and I have had a couple of encounters that have gone south, but I still find myself attracted to him. It is so damned confusing!

Like some of the other guys who's stuff I've read, I often think that I would be happiest alone. Although I love people. As I have opened up to some people recently, it has amazed me how receptive they are. -and how unapproachable they say I have been. I used to think that was kind of cool to be dark and brooding, but now know how much I've missed out on of life by not having deep relationships

My marriage has been a great friendship with a woman who has been a wonderful roommate. We are working on our intimacy, and she has been great about trying to make me feel attractive.

I still struggling with the identity piece. Why do I always want to turn to the gay porn option? Is it because I think that that is how to get close to men? I want close guy friends. Think it's totally OK to be gay. I just don't know if I am, and don't want to sacrifice my family and then find that I was wrong!

#442343 - 07/27/13 03:08 PM Re: Hi my name is Philip [Re: philipdeal]
peacemaker67 Offline

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 45
Loc: WI
hi philip,
after reading your posts I think what you are experiencing as "deadness" is just that; your emotions are probably tied up in fear and hurt from what you have gone through. I think as you move forward toward a different path you will find-with time and healing-that these things will get better. You have a lot to sort out, so give yourself the time to do that and heal.

Hope you find peace and breakthrough.
-Love is love when it is free; love is love when others don't feed on you as a "need". If we reach one person with betterment, and in turn that one reaches another, what power we have to change the world."

#442520 - 07/29/13 04:23 PM Re: Hi my name is Philip [Re: philipdeal]
Shyshark Offline

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 973
Loc: Canada
Welcome Philip ...

I believe there is something important that you must know now that you are here.

Your life is not unique ... nor is your story.
You are unique.

Here you will find men who have shared your experiences to the extent that you could be the same person ...
and you will meet people who are so different ... who have had/have a life so alien to your own that it will be difficult for you to relate to them.

Keep this in mind.
We are all here for the same reason ...
and that makes us all equal.

Speak freely ...
Listen carefully ...
There is much to learn ... much to gain ... by doing both.

On a personal level ...
I too have slept with countless men.
I was driven to do so because it was the only thing that gave me value ...
in a life that was rich and full.

So ...
The difference between us ?

So ...
Who should bear the greater shame ?

The person who judges us.

Welcome Philip
Experience is a brutal teacher.

#442636 - 07/30/13 07:31 PM Re: Hi my name is Philip [Re: philipdeal]
freeze-on Offline

Registered: 08/09/09
Posts: 79
Loc: southeast
hey man, glad you are here...hope the best for you for this day and day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. peace to you bro.

#442639 - 07/30/13 07:41 PM Re: Hi my name is Philip [Re: philipdeal]
Chase Eric Offline

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 2963
Has anyone noticed that the original post is well over two years old? Wherever you are Philip, I hope you are doing well.

#442645 - 07/30/13 08:28 PM Re: Hi my name is Philip [Re: philipdeal]
Shyshark Offline

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 973
Loc: Canada

No ...

Thanks for letting me know Chase ...

... and Philip ... if you see this ...

I hope life for you has been better

and that you're well.
Experience is a brutal teacher.

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