I've been away for nearly a month, but I wanted to touch base to let y'all know I'm doing OK. I may not be cured or even at a place that I'm OK with, maybe not as well as Magellan is doing... but here's my update:
I've reduced my financial stress, paid off my car, paid my rent for the year. I'm self-employed and beginning to make a little money. Not much, but starting to get my head above water.
Since March 21, I've lost 35 pounds, down to 225 from 260, which isn't bad for a 6'4" guy with a big frame. My target is 210, but this last 15 is going to be tough and require a lot of crunches. I'm doing yoga 3 times a week at the local Y, which is supposedly good for abuse survivors, especially those of us who feel a disconnect between our minds and bodies. Yoga is a language that our bodies can understand.
I have found a church that I kinda like (a heathen Episcopal church instead of my usual RC, which I just couldn't take any longer, at least my particular priest at my particular neighborhood church).
I'm still not in a relationship, and I'm still acting out in unhealthy ways... so I'm not *BETTER* better, but I'm getting there.
I'm continuing with my EMDR work, which just entered the processing phase. A lot of body memory has come up that I have no narrative memory attached to (for instance: both my legs raising up, knees high, as if to expose my bottom). So I've been dealing with that and trying to connect to it to reprocess the memory to hopefully gain control of the acting out.
Since I took a break from MS when I went on vacation, it just felt right to be away for a while, especially after the LAD drama.
I have been answering PM's and checking in on a few posts, but this last update by Magellan just made me know I needed to post my update too.
Thank you, everyone here, for helping get us through the toughest parts of this. There is no way I could have gotten through to where I am now without MS and my brothers here, including LAD, whose memory I will always hold in my heart.
But he grew old, this knight so bold / And upon his heart a shadow / Fell as he found / No spot on the ground / That looked like El Dorado.