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#442108 - 07/25/13 01:34 PM poem 51
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2715
Loc: durham, north england
Talking to the world so loudly every boy and girl can hear the shout of static in your voice.
thinking of the culture found in funny pictures of a frantic set of nothing you call choice.

lets embrase the differences while barbed wire fences keep out anything too raucus.
Here's a special song everyone can sing along if no one wants to change the chorus.

Quiet days, these are the loud days, in a world that is soundless.

leonardo de vinci didn't he teach taichi but we know he was a genius,
Salvations for the shopping while the rain is dropping and yes the weathers looking serious.

Paper dragon tyrant feelings are too violent shut up and just do your business.
Buy yourself a nice life 2.4 kids plus wife weddings sold complete with kisses.

Gold days, these are the lead days, in a world that is worthless.

On our streets a vampire look for hearts desire just as long as you want hunger.
Escape imagination into your sensation this face cream now contains wonder.

think about what might be look it up on wiki paint it with a brush of blood.
Everyone is nice so you don't need to see them twice and being alone is for their own good.

Dark days, these are the bright days, in a world that is lightless.

Samurai and honour hang up in the corner a distilation of Japan.
You can be a hero fiddling like nero doing nothing like Super man.

See friends on a Sunday look at those that won't play all they have to do is ask.
Next week things are changing life is for the taking which is why next week is just like the last.

Strong days, these are the weak days, in a world that is strengthless.

Cryticise your fellow brave new Chrome and yellow aren't you such a clever boy.
Statting up your Iq the Magicians Nephew trapped without a ring to joy.

Macho jocks and geeks and socialites and cleaques do you have any right to hatred.
Like alice with a mushroom stretched into an empty room so wrapped in thoughts your almost naked.

Out days, these are the in days, in a world that is pathless.

over the water came the lifted song--
blind pieces in a mighty game we sing;
life's battle is a conquest for the strong;
The meaning shows in the defeated thing.

#442286 - 07/27/13 03:08 AM Re: poem 51 [Re: dark empathy]
victor-victim Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6387
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
that sounds like a full on rap.
the words carry their own beat.
i could hear them in my head as i read.
someone spitting out the bitter
rat-a-tat like a snare drum machine gun.
i love the use of the refrain
to rein it in between the volleys.


#442335 - 07/27/13 01:55 PM Re: poem 51 [Re: dark empathy]
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2715
Loc: durham, north england
Rap? well I can see where you got the idea there though I didn't really have it in mind, mostly the structure sort of came from The Beatles I am The Walrus which has several lines with the same rythm.

It was sort of a combination of social commentary and then in the last verse self cryticism of that commentary, though goodness knows where some of the images came from with the quotation from Jon nacefield's poem "the wanderer " at the end sort of because it happened to feel as if it ought to go there.

Glad you sort of liked it.

Edited by dark empathy (07/27/13 01:59 PM)


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