Hi guys ...
All is well again.
Thank you so much for your support.
I beg a favour.
If you know somebody else who is bipolar
please please ...
try to understand.
For some ... the ride they take can be described as nothing less than horrendous ...
especially if they have the 'rapid cycle' problem ...
like I do.
Life is mostly level for me ... but what just happened is ... sadly ... not rare.
I can wake up in the morning and want to scream ... because I know what's happening
and what's in store for me ... and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.
It's not that I lose control of myself ... it's that I lose all rational perspective.
I'm an insomniac because I dread going to bed ...
because it always hits in the night
and waits for me to wake up.
Some mornings I'd like nothing more than to put my head in a wood chipper.
By noon I can be skipping through a high-end men's clothing store clutching a red hot credit card
in my greedy little fist.
By late afternoon I'm looking for the wood chipper again.
In the early evening I can be at a fancy restaurant serving exotic things that nobody in their right minds would think was food ...
and enjoying every disgusting minute of it.
(Really ... how hungry was the first Frenchman when he decided to eat snails!)
By bedtime I don't want to get in the bed.
I want to get under it ... and lay there ...
and wait for death.
It's exhausting ... so you crave sleep ... but are afraid of it ...
afraid that when you wake up ... it will not have gone ... it will still be there.
Luckily this kind of severity doesn't happen often ... or last long ... but it can lead to a long depression.
more people with Bipolar Disorder take their own lives than those with any other mental illness.
Oddly ... the doom and gloom is always about the present ... and how it's all about to come apart.
I never think of my abuse or the bullying or the repeated loss of my dear ones.
So ... this is probably a little more than you would like know ...
... but there it is.
Experience is a brutal teacher.