tonight i told my daughter about my childhood and the CSA. i had been feeling the need to do this for some time. but i had a really difficult time getting started. we are visiting with her now and i knew this would be a good time - while staying with her - but it was so hard to get started.
last night there was a TV show on that involved the topic and i had to leave the room and cry - couldn't do it then - was too fragile. but since then, there was another event that gave me more self-confidence. so tonight i told her after dinner.
once i got started, it wasn't too bad. i didn't break down but didn't give too many details either.
she was very understanding - i thought she would be - she has a masters degree in public health and lots of good experience working with hurting people. she cried afterwards and hugged me. she said that she would never have known from the way i succeeded as a father - nice. then asked if i felt better - lighter.
i didn't really feel much of anything except a bit of relief at having gotten it over with - end of the internal pressure. maybe i'll feel something later.
anyway - that is one down - and two more to go. not sure when i will tell them. the other daughter will be easier than the son.
"the scariest thing about abuse of any shape or form, is, in my opinion, not the abuse itself, but that if it continues it can begin to feel commonplace and eventually acceptable."
- Alan Cumming, "Not My Father's Son"