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#441938 - 07/24/13 01:13 AM I wish there was a how to manual-possible triggers
irishguym Offline

Registered: 02/08/13
Posts: 42

After finding this site and a few others I came to accept the fact that for whatever the reasons whether it was some sort of imprinting or a natural orientation that got sidetracked by the abuse, I am bi-sexual.

Maybe accept isn't the right word-maybe acknowledge is better suited. I briefly spoke with a therapist who expressed a similar belief to mine that society/too many people but to great a focus to much importance on sexuality.

I came to the decision that in acknowledging the attractions were simply part of who I am and that I wouldn't act out-but if a healthy opportunity arose I wouldn't shy from it either.

I've often been told I spend way to much time in my own head overthinking everything so with this acknowledgement I felt a ton of relief. If I saw a guy I thought was attractive-I thought so what? No longer did I carry any guilt for it. For a time it felt freeing and I noticed myself looking at men in a different way-I wasn't just thinking about sex or specific acts I was noticing actual physical attraction.

Any opportunity to meet guys in person resulted in me chickening out but my head started to clear, overall I was feeling pretty healthy. Then I got incredibly busy with work, continually working 80-90 hour weeks and it all hit me like a ton of bricks...the obsessive thoughts have slammed back into my head. If I've a got a minute of down time at work I'm consumed with thoughts of the acts, as soon as I'm away from work they pretty much occupy all my thoughts and even if I do manage to sleep it's all I seem to dream about.

I fight it because I feel like if I cave in I'll just end up feeling worse the next day but it is a constant struggle..

#441978 - 07/24/13 08:30 AM Re: I wish there was a how to manual-possible triggers [Re: irishguym]
newground Offline
Chat Moderator

Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 1154
Loc: michigan
hey bud
I think that IS what the abuse does to us, it causes us to have the opportunity to ruminate and to think of the acts that we otherwise would have no knowledge of. and during the abuse there may have been pleasure feelings of some sort( I don't know your story) or even just that hyper arousal that kind of intense feeling I call it being jazzed just so electric that happens if things are really good or really bad these are things that feed our feelings and thoughts. as we normalize these things the jazz tends to fade at least for a time this is why talking to the guys here, or T is so helpful it helps us to vent that emotion. I don't know if that is helpful man but just know you are not alone in this,
Either I will find a way, or I will make one.
Philip Sidney


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

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