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#441574 - 07/21/13 08:08 AM rough recovery weekend for csa
David Mac Offline

Registered: 04/30/13
Posts: 57
Loc: Pacific North West
Hey guys,

I'm at a sexaholics anonymous conference and am not doing well. Because I am a survivor of sexual abuse, I also belong to s-anon. S-anon is mostly wives of sexaholics, so I don't fit in easily. Talking about the sexual abuse is like exposing raw nerves for me. Talking about my sexual abuse issues in front of a group of women only aggravates my feelings of resentment and hostility.

With feelings of rage and resentment, I began to isolate myself from the guys at the sexaholics anonymous tracks. I wanted to throw chairs and knock tables over. Look what you guys did to me.

There was a ssa track. The conference leaders are trying to better serve those with ssa. The representative from the committee asked one simple question: What do you want addressed at the national level? So some guys began telling their life story. Others with ideas were cross talked with opposing opinions. There is no cross talk in meetings. Then some brother made a lewd joke. I felt like I was back in a divy gay bar. I left that meeting feeling frustrated, embarrassed and humiliated. The ac in the room was up so high that I was shaking from the cold. That is how I began the conference.

I just arrived from Europe, so the jet lag doesn't help. I'm six hours off. I keep waking up at 2:30am. I am drained by 6pm and don't want to talk to anyone.

Fortunately, I leave early this morning - Sunday. I am headed back to the Pacific Northwest. I'll be glad to get back to my daily routines.

I'm thinking of joining al-anon. Maybe I can find a male sponsor there to work csa issues with.

So there it is.


#441579 - 07/21/13 08:45 AM Re: rough recovery weekend for csa [Re: David Mac]
Jacob S Offline

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 690
Loc: where the shadows lie
That sucks. No offense to anyone here, but just the fear of this kind of stuff is why I never attend anything that is just groups of men. When I was a teenager, I went on a bus tour with my church's men's group to a major city for a Promise Keeper's conference. As the bus crawled through downtown in heavy traffic after a car accident, these grown, married, church-going men were hooting and making obscene comments to the obviously underaged prostitutes on the corner. Even though their vulgarity was not directed at me, I felt like a trapped animal surrounded by hunters. I've never attended anything that was men-only ever again, and I doubt I ever will. I know that is mostly paranoia but its how I am.

On a practical note, maybe it would help to write a letter to the directors of the conference. You never know, it might spark some changes or an awareness for greater sensitivity.
I am a veteran of the soul wars.

#441721 - 07/22/13 01:19 PM Re: rough recovery weekend for csa [Re: David Mac]
bodyguard8367 Offline

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""

Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 10:43 PM)

#441755 - 07/22/13 06:27 PM Re: rough recovery weekend for csa [Re: David Mac]
David Mac Offline

Registered: 04/30/13
Posts: 57
Loc: Pacific North West
Hey Jacob,

Thanks for your post. I too have an aversion to men's gatherings in which I do not have a clear purpose of being there. So you will never see me at a Super Bowl party. I would have no reason to be there. It is also difficult to travel with other men I do not know. The situation you described is a perfect reason why. But if I have a reason and a purpose, I insist on my right to stand as a man among men especially now that I do not lust after them and am free to relate to them in a healthy and mature way.

Zup Bodyguard!
Yea, ssa is feared by most survivors. That is a good way of putting it. I never thought of it like that. I was thinking yesterday of a line in the Bible which says, "Hating ourselves, we hated one another." We would never have acted that way in the presence of a bunch of straight men. At least I don't think so.

I shall learn a lesson. Next SSA meeting in SA, I will be proactive to remind participants of the no cross talk rule and define it so that we are all on the same page before the sharing begins.

Thanks for the welcome home too. It is good to be back. Nice cool weather, ahhh. I am going to check out s-anon and al-anon right after I type this. I am looking forward to working my program in those rooms.

Ciao yall



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