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#441372 - 07/19/13 07:06 PM four years ago today
sono Offline

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Hey Guys,

I thought I'd log in since it was four years ago today that I joined MaleSurvivor and finally at age 44 began recovery.

I don't want to sound like a sage voice of wisdom, because I'm not, but for some of you guys who may be earlier on in the process I just wanted to say keep at it guys!! The difference in my life now versus 4 years ago cannot be overstated. The different in my marriage is like night and day. That of course doesn't mean that it was a steady uphill journey at all, but the general trajectory has been unrelentingly positive.

I was able to take a lot of positive steps, like first confronting my abuser in person at the church in my hometown where he works. Later on I turned him in to the diocese and he was immediately fired. He wasn't a priest FYI, but the organist/director of music so just getting rid of him was the quick solution for them...and me too, as no legal proceedings would have been possible.

The biggest single thing I've done to aid recovery was putting together a group of guys from here and other sites with whom I seemed to have a positive support connection as an online private group using the FB function for that. The way those friendships have developed and the support that flows from them is truly indescribable. We get together once a year and this summer will be doing that for the third year running.

I've also done retreat weekends both of MS and other organizations and can really recommend doing something like that for anyone who can.

So, I just wanted to say hang in there, keep working at it and try to always keep yourself moving forward toward figuring out some piece of the abuse bullshit each of us has in our own unique ways. Figuring out the bullshit the abuse teaches us is really what it's all been about for me.

all the best,


p.s. if anyone goes and looks at old posts of mine, if anything looks like it was written by a crazy guy...I likely was the day I wrote it. smile K
the family
the perp

#441375 - 07/19/13 07:26 PM Re: four years ago today [Re: sono]
victor-victim Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6387
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
hey kevin,

thanks for the upbeat message.
it was a good read, even for another "old timer" like me.
the road to recovery is a slippery slope.
my personal struggle for inner peace really reminds me of the game "snakes & ladders".
the difference is... i am playing against myself, so if i keep rolling the dice, i know i am going to win.

oh, and as far as "crazy" goes, i think you have a right to get a bit "crazy", expecially here.
i have a few posts, that make me sound "crazy", even to myself, and sometimes i think about deleting them, but then i figure "what the hell! that was how i felt at the time. so don't rewrite history."

no doubt there are others who feel that way.
i notice that many people do delete and edit.
i try to avoid self censorship within reason.
and though there are probably people here who wish i would self censor with even stricter guidelines, i would rather keep it as real and honest as i can.
once i broke the silence, it is like i can't shut up now.


#441615 - 07/21/13 05:47 PM Re: four years ago today [Re: sono]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4287
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
Kevin -

thanks for this post - very encouraging to see some positive words from your experience.

love to hear more,
How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

#441639 - 07/22/13 01:28 AM Re: four years ago today [Re: sono]

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3856

Great encouragement and support. You are right, it takes work and time.

Thank you for sharing.



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