Newest Members
chairdesklamp, Bill Ohio USA, jez, Long Way Home, Bcbornleo
13595 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Andrew (67), andrew-almost52 (67), andrew51 (67), James35 (51), jmr2191 (27), Ower (53), steve-o (61), TOM2 (36)
Who's Online
6 registered (Noah Barrett, chairdesklamp, manipulated, 3 invisible), 38 Guests and 1 Spider online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,595 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,704 Topics
493,790 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Topic Options
#441347 - 07/19/13 01:03 PM Newby - does anyone else feel this way?
gregpo1 Offline

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 2
Hello everyone, this is my first time posting, and my first time sharing with anyone but my wife, and therapist. I "came out" about 18 months ago, bursting into tears one night, sharing w my wife (I was 34), possibly inspired/moved by the penn state affairs, and some distant family current events.

From about the age of 8-14, I was molested regularly, by an older sister, in our home, on planes, in cars, etc. I otherwise had a "normal" childhood - mom drank a bit too much, dad worked hard and was awful with money - suburbs, nice house, nice cars, decent schools.

Years later - I definitively think of myself as a bad person. The center of evil is quite clearly my soul. Somehow I've managed to have a successful (yet I cringe at the thought, or people suggesting, commenting on my professional success) career, an amazing wife who genuinely loves me and compliments me, and as of 12 months ago a perfect son.

I have horrible issues with relationships, emotions, especially around the home (where most of the abuse occurred, I'm remarkably stable at work). I'm a male, abuser (although I still feel guilty, of course I was the abuser...) was older sister by 3 years.

Questions: have any of you gone through this, or are you, how did you deal, what do you recommend??

I'd welcome thoughts, stories, feedback, advice, guidance from any and all.

Thank you

#441349 - 07/19/13 03:32 PM Re: Newby - does anyone else feel this way? [Re: gregpo1]
newground Offline
Chat Moderator

Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 1155
Loc: michigan
hi gregpo
the feelings you describe are quite common man. I struggle with home life, and intimacy in many ways. many of the guys struggle with perfectionism im different ways like you describe as well. first thing I would recommend is telling yourself confidently that it was not your fault. it was never your choice no matter how it played out. to have our sexuality turned on at such early ages leaves us helpless to truly control the feelings that might be natural at a later state. there is literally no way for us to have a context for those feelings beyond the context in which they were exposed to us. next I noticed that you didn't talk about therapy ... I would highly recommend that you search out a Qualified therapist who is experienced with male childhood sexual assault if you have not done that. this is something that is very difficult to deal with alone. finally you might consider a weekend of recovery (information is available on the home page) it is amazing to find the community of men who share what you have experienced and really "get it" you are not alone man and there is help and hope. meanwhile come here to this site and read and even try the chat function to connect with us here and begin to walk with the support that is available here
heal well
Either I will find a way, or I will make one.
Philip Sidney

#441371 - 07/19/13 07:04 PM Re: Newby - does anyone else feel this way? [Re: gregpo1]
victor-victim Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6387
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
dear gregpo.
you don't have to look too far in these forums to find your emotions exactly expressed by other survivors.
it happens to me every time i browse these archives.
although every situation is unique, our reactions are very similar, because we are all human.
that shared humanity brought us to this website to examine our feelings and thoughts together, anonymously, in public, with the hope of helping each other heal.
some of us have "come out" decades ago, others only recently, so the stages of recovery are all over the map.
myself, i have been fully disclosed for about 35 years, with hundreds, if not thousands of therapy hours behind me.
i feel great most of the time, with occasional minor relapses.
yet, here i am, at 52, still talking and thinking about what happened to me as a child. i believe our behaviour is a normal response to an abnormal stimulus. let me stress that point...

whatever phase or mood you are in at the time, you will usually find another person here who can resonate, respect and relate.
for example, when you talk about evil, i understand.
i used to believe that i was evil.
now i know i am not.

i wish to welcome you.



#441706 - 07/22/13 10:29 AM Re: Newby - does anyone else feel this way? [Re: gregpo1]
gregpo1 Offline

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 2
Thank you both very much, for your replies.

#441745 - 07/22/13 05:06 PM Re: Newby - does anyone else feel this way? [Re: gregpo1]
peroperic2009 Offline

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3866
Loc: South-East Europe
Welcome to Male survivor gregpo1
I'm sorry to hear about your difficult past frown
But hey man you are here, you reached for help and by doing so you are breaking isolation - that is very difficult task for many survivors.
You were incredible brave, don't forget that.

I could recommend book: Victims no longer by Mile Lew, it is very inspiring book. There are other books too.
Just talk and share your thoughts with us and some answers will come by itself.

My story


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.