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#441301 - 07/19/13 02:37 AM Just Saying - Trigger Warning
mattheal Offline

Registered: 06/10/12
Posts: 142
Loc: Ohio
It's okay to find the faith to saunter forward
With no fear of shadows spreading where you stand
And you'll breathe easier just knowing
that the worst is all behind you
And the waves that tossed the raft all night
have set you on dry land
- The Mountain Goats - "Never Quite Free"

#441304 - 07/19/13 03:05 AM Re: Just Saying - Trigger Warning [Re: mattheal]
1.healing Offline

Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 261
Loc: NW Ohio
Hi Mattheal,

Sorry that this happened to you, it certainly would be great if, especially, family members offered all the support, understanding and encouragement we deserve. Unfortunately their dysfunction today may not be all that different than it was at the time of our abuse and sadly they're of little help or worse.

I just want to assure you that you can do this work without the help of anyone who can't support you for "whatever" the reason. And also from those unwilling to take responsibility for their role in not looking out for you and for not providing the protection you deserved. Sounds like your wife is in your corner and there is always support around here.

I think you would have been able to speak up if you'd thought anyone would listen and help. That help sadly wasn't there for you just as it wasn't there for any of the men here. It's a pervasive problem and unfortunately a common one. I know it's not as much consolation as you deserve, my brother, but you at least are in the company and hearts of good people here.

This too will pass and your healing will continue, you can't stop something this big when it's in motion!

All the best,

Gary / 1.healng

Edited by 1.healing (07/19/13 03:30 AM)
Edit Reason: grammer
"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

George Elliot

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."

Virginia Woolf

#441305 - 07/19/13 03:23 AM Re: Just Saying - Trigger Warning [Re: mattheal]
Dave PNW Offline

Registered: 04/03/13
Posts: 129
Loc: Pacific Northwest
Mattheal. Your T is there for you to unload this. He or she is there for you to finally start to shed your shame and guilt. You have carried this too long. You were just a kid. I am sorry people are telling you that you should have stopped it. No! They don't understand what you were up against. It wasn't your fault! Take some deep breaths. Go in there tomorrow and do the good work to start to get this out. The boy you were and the man you are need this. Wish you peace and strength and liberation. Dave.

#441308 - 07/19/13 04:01 AM Re: Just Saying - Trigger Warning [Re: mattheal]
SoccerStar Offline

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 929
It is remarkably healing and liberating to cut people out of your life forever who don't deserve to be in it.

Just saying.
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

#441312 - 07/19/13 04:25 AM Re: Just Saying - Trigger Warning [Re: mattheal]
ThisMan Offline

Registered: 01/23/13
Posts: 778
Loc: upper south
Hey, Matt.
1. Call it rape. That's what it was/is.
2. Congrats on the T.
3. Ignore the fool who is TRYING to give you the responsibility- ridiculous. Responsibility for one's own rape- ????-
4. Ignore his return note, or copy and paste and return without a response. He is trying to make himself feel better.
5. Take SS's comment to heart- or at least severely limit your exposure
6. Just Saying (I so hate this comment... just saying)

I would have given you a lengthy narrative, but it's a strange week. Good luck for the 'morrow. You are doing good things for YOU and your family. And give your wife a hug for her correct advice on "ignoring him".
For now we see through a glass, darkly.

#441315 - 07/19/13 04:31 AM Re: Just Saying - Trigger Warning [Re: mattheal]
Jacob S Offline

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 690
Loc: where the shadows lie
I hate that. Been too many people who who will never understand. For me, its about learning some never will. Its not about trying to get people to understand, its about understanding yourself. Some are in denial about their own failed responsibilities in life, some just don't want to believe such horrible things really happen to kids, some know what happened to them but lash out when others talk because they don't want to think about it. I can't know the specifics, but different people are at different places and some will never be the ally we had hoped they would be.
I am a veteran of the soul wars.

#441320 - 07/19/13 05:44 AM Re: Just Saying - Trigger Warning [Re: mattheal]
catfish86 Offline

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 832
Loc: Ohio
Winston Churchill was an alcoholic, functional as it may be, but he was. There is a story that he was quite lit one night. A famously snobbish woman remarked, "You sir, are DRUNK!". Winston Churchill replied, "and you Madam, are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."

While you may have been raped as a child and through all the various control/shame mechanisms, were not able to say anything. He is a jerk, and you ARE doing something about YOUR problem. Quite often people who are mean in that way are trying to cover evil or inadequacy in their own heart.
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

#441364 - 07/19/13 06:02 PM Re: Just Saying - Trigger Warning [Re: mattheal]
bodyguard8367 Offline

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""

Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 10:37 PM)

#441380 - 07/19/13 07:50 PM ! [Re: mattheal]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 2217

Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (03/01/14 02:01 AM)

#441402 - 07/19/13 10:19 PM Re: Just Saying - Trigger Warning [Re: SoccerStar]
concerned_husky Offline

Registered: 08/30/12
Posts: 766
Originally Posted By: SoccerStar
It is remarkably healing and liberating to cut people out of your life forever who don't deserve to be in it.

Just saying.


I wouldn't even have responded to his comment, he would've got the sack from me then and there.

"Only the solitary seek the truth, and they break with all those who don't love it sufficiently." - Pasternak

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