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#441791 - 07/22/13 10:56 PM Re: therapy weirdness [Re: Tyr]
txb Offline

Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 416
Originally Posted By: Tyr

this isnt going to sound nice. but its true.

But it's not true. At all. No one here is ever going to know what rape feels like for a woman. Maybe they feel the same emotions, like fear or whatever, but you're never going to know how it actually feels.

Rape is seen as a real threat to women. They don't go out alone at night, they're not supposed to get too drunk, or dress in too revealing clothes, even the police say stuff like "avoid unlit areas at night". Personally I think men should avoid getting too drunk in public because you just don't know what might happen. I'm just kind of paranoid, but usually, as a man you don't have to be thinking about, should I walk down this dark alley way...?

One of the things that bothers me a lot is being seen as less of a man, or weak and girly. I do not want a therapist that's going to compare me to a woman. That's just completely wrong. I don't know what she was trying to do, but whatever it was it sucked.

Jaifian... sorry for kind of hijacking your thread. I would absolutely hate to have a therapist asking me those kind of questions. I don't really see what they need to know those kind of details for? I would leave and find a new one. But I also have the same paranoia about people wanting details of what happened to me for their own enjoyment. That's the main reason why I never posted in any detail about what happened to me here. It took me a long time to decide to start therapy because I didn't want to sit there and go through every incident, but in the end I decided that I didn't really need to. The actual stuff that happened isn't so important, it's more the way I feel about it and the issues that it causes me that I want to work on. I think Gary had some good advice about the CMH people. I'm with them too, some of them are completely useless and some of them are awesome. (My new therapist that I have isn't part of community mental health though). Good luck. It really does suck that you are trying to do the right thing by going to therapy and then having it cause you more problems.

#441821 - 07/23/13 02:55 AM Re: therapy weirdness [Re: Jaifian]
ThisMan Offline

Registered: 01/23/13
Posts: 778
Loc: upper south
This isn't going to sound nice, but it is my personal truth. I haven't a clue how a woman who has been raped feels. No, I know not what the pain of a woman is, no more than she would know the pain of THIS male. I wish not to debate my therapeutic experiences and their effect on me.

Jaifian, you are correct in that there are bad therapists out there. Of course there are. I hope you are more comfortable now and just remember that you deserve to be comfortable with whomever you are with, as Gary-1. said. I wish you the best.

..txb- we were posting at the same time. Thank you for your comments.

Edited by ThisMan (07/23/13 02:59 AM)
For now we see through a glass, darkly.

#441834 - 07/23/13 04:11 AM Re: therapy weirdness [Re: Jaifian]
1.healing Offline

Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 261
Loc: NW Ohio
To Tyr,

That kind of "honesty" from anyone, but especially a therapist is clueless, cruel and completely inappropriate. Of course no one can actually know the exact pain of another person, but you sure can have a good idea of it! Besides why would someone, especially a professional, invalidate a sexual abuse survivor, male or female, by saying something like that, it's horrible!

On the Male Survivor Home Page there's a link, on the menu click "Find Support" then click "Find A Therapist" and there is a great guide to help in selecting and working with a therapist. It's titled "A Consumers Guide To Therapist Shopping", it contains some good information.

Hope this might help,

Gary / 1.healing

txb and This Man: You guys certainly get it, nice to be in your company!

Edited by 1.healing (07/23/13 10:41 AM)
Edit Reason: post script
"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

George Elliot

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."

Virginia Woolf

#442485 - 07/29/13 10:39 AM Re: therapy weirdness [Re: Jaifian]
Tyr Offline

Registered: 10/05/11
Posts: 180
because the words are words they are pharyngeal vibrations in wind that is all and they ring with a sad truth. this man or that man or who the heck ever you are all responsible for your own feelings.

if you dont like what your therapist said. call em on it. see what they have to say.

i dont know any of you from adam. and i am sorry for your experiences and no one wants to be feminized but i dont think she meant it that way. i think she meant that you can better understand the ongoing life experiences that even more women than non incarcerated men face.

just take a deep breath and take it down a few notches. if you dont like what she said, call her on it and see what she has to say for herself.
Once you hear the details of victory, it is hard to distinguish it from a defeat.

#444472 - 08/16/13 10:41 AM Re: therapy weirdness [Re: Jaifian]
johnb11 Offline

Registered: 01/15/13
Posts: 12
Loc: Europe
My therapist stopped when he saw he was pushing me too far. Reliving the events in a safe place can take the deep threat of them away, because YOU choose let them out and view them more objectively. Imagine that a good friend is relating them to you.

Sounds like your T has issues, its not about women, or her, her priority is to validate you, not presume you don't empathise with raped women. Its also a distraction and off subject. Ask her to explain why she said it to you.

Whatever reservations you have about her... u are her client, you are the customer. Take control, ask her and let her reason with you so YOU understand. Then u can decide whether you choose to stay or find someone else.
To my brothers here, and to remind me:
I am NOT alone.
I was NOT responsible

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