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#441202 - 07/18/13 01:04 AM Where should I start?
Tabby6723 Offline

Registered: 07/16/13
Posts: 2
The man I'm in a relationship with, was abused from the ages of 12-17 by a family member and he finally told me about it the other day. He is an amazing man, and I hate to see him depressed all the time, now I know why he's depressed, what are some things I can do to help him? I've tried to get him to go to a therapist, but he's not ready for that yet. He has nightmares sometimes. What's the best way for me to be there for him? And I don't want to be too pushy with him, how can I convince him to go see a therapist?

#441217 - 07/18/13 02:15 AM Re: Where should I start? [Re: Tabby6723]
Candu Offline

Registered: 07/01/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
Would he read a book?

Victims No Longer : The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse by Mike Lew is a good choice. There are others. Some good, some not quite as good. I read about a dozen that I got from my local library. You probably would like to read some books as well.

Remind him that he is a wonderful person. Not just big things but little as well. Point out the good things in his/your life. Remind him that he is worthy.

Sometimes it has to be the right time before we can take certain steps.

When shopping for a therapist see if you can get someone who has a background in trauma and hopefully working with sexually abused males.

#441219 - 07/18/13 02:51 AM Re: Where should I start? [Re: Tabby6723]
Tabby6723 Offline

Registered: 07/16/13
Posts: 2
Thank you for the reply. I'll ask him if he'd like me to get that book for him. And I'll be sure to point out the good things to him also. (:

#441283 - 07/18/13 11:46 PM Re: Where should I start? [Re: Tabby6723]
pittsburgh Offline

Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 105
Loc: west Chester, Pa
Csndu's advice is very good, I have read the book it helped me understand some of my feelings and some of what has happened in my life and why. One thing that was big to me was finding out that I was not the only one in this world that this has happened to. My depression was so bad it became life threating. This is when my wife stepped in, she had been seeing a therapist talked me into going with her. That was four years ago. Things can get better with willingness and effort. Each man moves forward at a different pace. Take care of yourself also. I and wife wish you and yours the best.
it is and has been quite a trip thru life, as last I feel that I am in a better place, it takes work and in my case a wife the was and is forgiveing and helpful. At last a relationship has gone right, messed up three.


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