i feel so bad for you over what happened to you as a boy. i too was 5 when it started - but it was a step-dad - not a real father. i would think that what you endured would even be worse. the shame you feel is natural - but it is a result of what was done to you - not your choice or fault.
i am glad you have found us and decided to speak out. i hope you will find comfort, support and encouragement here among others who have had similar experiences and can relate to what you feel.
How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, ‚ÄúViolence!‚ÄĚ but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....