i feel so bad for you over what happened to you as a boy. i too was 5 when it started - but it was a step-dad - not a real father. i would think that what you endured would even be worse. the shame you feel is natural - but it is a result of what was done to you - not your choice or fault.
i am glad you have found us and decided to speak out. i hope you will find comfort, support and encouragement here among others who have had similar experiences and can relate to what you feel.
"the scariest thing about abuse of any shape or form, is, in my opinion, not the abuse itself, but that if it continues it can begin to feel commonplace and eventually acceptable."
- Alan Cumming, "Not My Father's Son"